


Almost Human but Never a God.

by flewintotheice



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: At some point or another - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Pretty much everyone from SG and SGA shows up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:31:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1171999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flewintotheice/pseuds/flewintotheice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was something to be said about mixing the DNA of an alien with the DNA of a human…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Human but Never a God.

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: Anything from the end of Season 2 is fair game. Goes AU after Season 2

Title: No Longer Human and Yet Never a God

Author: Puddle_Jumper2

Pairings: John/Rodney, John/Ronon, Rodney/OC

Rating: R - NC17

Spoilers: Anything from the end of Season 2 is fair game. Goes AU after Season 2

Summary: There was something to be said about mixing the DNA of an alien with the DNA of a human…

Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were. Do not sue me. I have no money.

 

 

 

 

(Wraith Hive Ship - en route to Earth)

 

Rodney felt himself being dragged back to his cell and did nothing to help or hinder the Wraith that was dragging him. He no longer knew how much time had passed and he was fairly certain he no longer cared. It was now obvious to him that Sheppard and the others weren't coming after him and Ronon. Rodney had done the best he could to keep the Wraith away from Ronon, offering them whatever he could in hopes of keeping Ronon safe. Why Ronon's safety suddenly mattered was beyond Rodney's comprehension at that point. All he knew was that a safe Ronon could mean a rescue somewhere down the line.

 

As the detail came to a stop in front of the cell Rodney straightened and turned his attention to the Wraith whom he'd named Stan. Stan looked at him for a moment then waved away the rest of the detail. Rodney waited for them to leave then nodded slightly.

 

"Tell Michael and your queen that I have a proposition for them; one I think they will gladly agree to at the moment." Stan regarded him for a moment then nodded.

 

"Tell me this proposition and I will relay it to them. Perhaps I can even help it along." Rodney nodded slowly. He might not ever trust the Wraith, but, for whatever reason, Stan seemed to like him and genuinely wanted to keep him alive.

 

"Tell them that if they will release Ronon on the next planet we pass that I will make sure they have access codes and strategic strike zones for Earth once we arrive there." Stan raised a brow slightly. These were the things they'd been asking McKay forever since his arrival and subsequent capture. Stan nodded eagerly.

 

"I am certain they will agree to your terms, Doctor," he said respectfully enough for a Wraith. The webbing around the cell opened and Rodney walked inside, the webbing closing behind him. "I shall return shortly." Rodney nodded and Stan took off down the hallways. Rodney sighed and slid his hand into the pocket of his cargo pants, pulling out half a loaf of some kind of bread. He moved over to the corner where Ronon was dozing lightly.

 

"Ronon," he whispered softly. Ronon opened his eyes and looked up at Rodney slowly. His eyes were somewhat glassy looking and Rodney swore under his breath. He knelt next to the runner and held out the bread to him. "Come on, big man. I need you to eat something, okay? Next exit just might be yours this time." Ronon frowned up at him but took the bread, eating it slowly.

 

"What do you mean?" he asked in between bites. Rodney sat down and leaned against the wall.

 

"I've checked our coordinates and our heading and the next planet we pass before we make our next jump is planet P47-499. I know, that means nothing to you, but it's a planet with a Stargate capable of reaching back to Atlantis. I'm going to talk them into releasing you onto the planet. Get to the gate and get back home. Tell them what's happened and where they're headed so they can get word to Earth." Ronon offered Rodney part of the bread but Rodney shook his head.

 

"You need to eat, McKay." Rodney gave him a sad smile and shook his head.

 

"Don't worry about me, Ronon. Worry about yourself and getting help to Earth." Before Ronon could answer, there were footsteps in the hallway and Rodney stood, walking over to the entrance of the cell. Stan appeared, a smile on his face. Rodney knew it meant good news.

 

"Our queen has agreed to your most generous terms. We shall transport your friend onto the surface of the nearby planet and leave him there alive with some provisions. If your information is informative, truthful and helps us in our battle, we shall return and leave you with him as well." Rodney nodded slowly. He knew in his mind he would never be joining Ronon on that planet.

 

"Fair enough. Let's get to it."

 

*******************

 

Rodney stood in the room where the transporter had been hidden away. It looked, in Rodney's opinion, something along the lines of what the Asgard might have invented, but he saw no need to warn the Wraith about the little aliens that would protect the Tau'ri at all costs these days. Rodney watched as Ronon was brought into the room and dragged towards the transporter. Ronon pulled away from his captors and Rodney stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm. Ronon had lost too much these past few weeks. He'd been starved, beaten, and then left alone. Rodney was almost glad he was going away. He couldn't stand to see Ronon suffer anymore. He pulled Ronon towards the transporter.

 

"Listen to me," he whispered softly enough that no one could overhear him. "Do what I told you to do. Take care of John and the others and tell them I did not betray them or Earth." Ronon frowned slightly.

 

"I don't…" Rodney shook his head.

 

"We do what we have to do, Ronon," Rodney whispered. He hugged the runner then pushed him back and stepped away from the transporter as it activated, transporting Ronon down to the planet's surface. Rodney took a deep breath and sighed heavily before turning back to Stan.

 

"Lead the way, Stan," he said softly. Stan watched him for a moment, tilting his head to the side then nodded.

 

"Come with me, Doctor," he said leading Rodney away from the transport room.

 

*********************

 

Ronon materialized about thirty yards away from the Stargate. Damn Rodney was good, he thought as he limped over to it. Remembering the symbols from memory, Ronon dialed the gate, transmitted his code, and stepped through the gate. Stepping through the other side, he heard sirens and saw enough to know that there were armed guards pointing rifles at him before he heard a familiar voice shout through the crowd.

 

"Stand down!" Ronon dropped to his knees as John Sheppard came running up the ramp, landing right beside him. "Ronon?" Ronon raised his head slowly, his dark brown eyes meeting wild green ones that showed fear and rage.

 

"He sent me home," Ronon whispered shakily. John frowned.

 

"Who sent you home?"

 

"Rodney," Ronon answered. "He said to tell you that he didn't betray us or Earth and that I should take care of you all now…" Ronon coughed and his eyes rolled back as he finally passed out. John caught him as Carson and his med team came into the gateroom. John looked at the empty Stargate behind him and felt himself grow cold and numb.

 

"Rodney…" he whispered softly.

 

**********************

 

Rodney followed Stan through the hallways and towards the banquet hall. He knew this place, had been brought here on many occasions but had refused to eat during each of those times. Now he knew that he would eat because in doing so he would ensure that his people… his friends and his family on Atlantis and those he knew back on Earth… would not suffer at the hands of these demons. He waited until Stan turned his back and then he attacked. He slid the knife from his pocket and stabbed it into Stan's arm. In rage, Stan turned and slammed his hand into Rodney's chest. Rodney felt the enzyme enter his system and in that same moment, he sliced the knife down across Stan's wrist, severing it from his arm. Stan screamed in pain and Rodney slid the knife into Stan's throat.

 

"So long, Stan," Rodney said in a choked voice. Stan's eyes widened in shock and surprise that this had betrayed him so easily human. Rodney pulled out a small PDA device and activated it. Upon activation, a glowing light surrounded him and then he was gone. Stan had no time to react as sirens began sounding throughout the ship. Within several seconds the Hive ship exploded, sending a shockwave into its sister ship, destroying it as well. So many light years away from home, no one would ever miss them or go looking for them. Atlantis was safe. Earth was safe.

 

On a planet below the exploding ships, Rodney McKay re-materialized and fell to the ground. He hoped that Ronon had made it to Atlantis and that someone had found the piece of paper in his shirt pocket with the coordinates of the planet Rodney had just beamed himself to; otherwise, Rodney wasn't going to survive. The Wraith hand was still stuck to his chest and Rodney could still feel the enzyme coursing through his system. He had to get that damn thing out of his chest. Finding the second knife that he'd taken from Ronon without the runner's knowledge, Rodney cut away the hand from his chest and gasped in pain. Blood from the limb mixed with Rodney's blood but at the moment, Rodney couldn't do anything about that. He let the hand stay where it fell then began the trek back towards the Stargate.

 

*************

 

It was Carson who found the small piece of paper pinned inside one of Ronon's shirt pockets and ran through the hallways until he found John and shoved the piece of paper into his hand.

 

"Get him home, Colonel," Carson demanded and John had looked at the paper and had taken off without another word. Carson watched him then went back to the infirmary where Ronon was lying in one of the empty beds, his eyes haunted, his skin gray in color and his breathing labored. Carson pulled a chair up next to his bed and Ronon looked over at him.

 

"It wasn't supposed to be this way, Doc," Ronon said softly, which was something new because Ronon had never talked softly; ever. "I was supposed to protect him. Not the other way around."

 

"Well, lad, you've got a lot to learn about our Rodney," Carson said, patting Ronon's hand gently. "We'll get him home and he'll be all right. You'll see." Ronon slowly shook his head.

 

"After what they did to him, he'll never be okay again," Ronon whispered, closing his eyes.

 

****************

 

_Ronon was awake the first time they took McKay and he'd tried fighting the Wraith but they'd just stunned him enough and taken McKay anyway. They didn't bring Rodney back for several days and when they brought him back, Ronon wasn't so sure Rodney was still intact. The guards had dropped him into the middle of the cell, in a heap, and had left. Ronon had knelt next to him, rolled him over gently and had tried not to blanch at what he saw; the bruises, the dried blood, the cuts, the obvious signs of torture and abuse of all kinds. When he reached out to touch McKay, Rodney had flinched and had screamed, trying to pull away. It had taken Ronon almost an hour before Rodney had realized where he was; then the tears had come and Ronon had listened to everything that had happened and he'd vowed to save them both._

_Two days later, the guards had returned but Rodney was ready and went with them willingly. Ronon knew why, but he didn't understand. He would never understand. They brought Rodney back that same night and Rodney had brought food with him for Ronon. Rodney would never eat and Ronon worried. At night, Ronon would pull Rodney in tight against his chest and hold him so that Rodney might sleep. In the mornings, Rodney would slowly pull away with a quiet "thank you" before returning to the hands of their captors._

_By the end of their third week, Ronon would have killed for Rodney, but in the end it hadn't been necessary. Rodney had gotten him off the ship and had sent him home. Ronon knew Rodney would try to kill the Wraith and possibly even himself. Ronon knew that Rodney believed no one - specifically John - would ever look at him again or think of him in any special way as before. Ronon had tried to argue but Rodney wouldn't listen._

_Ronon watched that final night as Rodney had written out the coordinates and then Ronon had finally asked the one thing he'd never asked before._

_"Was it just physical torture, McKay?"_

_"Physical torture I could live with, Ronon," Rodney answered wearily before handing him back his shirt. "What they did to me is not something I could ever forget or forgive myself for…"_

_Ronon hadn't understood why McKay blamed himself but he'd held him that night and had whispered softly that he'd help fix this once they got back home. McKay hadn't argued and Ronon had thought that maybe, just maybe, Rodney might be okay one day._

 

**********************

 

The Stargate came to life as Rodney collapsed just within reach of the DHD. There was no place to hide and Rodney was no longer sure he cared. Let the end come. Perhaps it was for the best. But he knew, even as he thought that, he wouldn't get away that easily.

 

"Rodney!" He heard the shouts and opened his eyes again a little to see people running towards him. Apparently they knew him. Maybe his luck had finally changed after all. He tried to answer them, but he couldn't form the words, so he lay there and let his eyes close knowing that he'd been found.

 

John slid onto his knees at Rodney's side and wanted to murder whoever had done this to his soul mate. He brushed his fingertips across Rodney's face lightly then turned back to Teyla and Lorne.

 

"It's him! Get me a stretcher and let's get the hell out of here!" Lorne waved the medics in his direction and they came down and John helped them get Rodney onto the stretcher. Rodney never moved or opened his eyes. It was Teyla who noticed the wound to his chest.

 

"Colonel," she said softly and John followed her gaze.

 

"Oh no," he whispered and tapped his headset as they walked to the Gate. "Carson! Rodney's been fed on by a Wraith! We're on our way through the gate now."

 

"I'll meet you in the gateroom, Colonel." John nodded absently and followed the medics through the gate and into Atlantis once more. He saw Carson run through the doors and stop at the bottom of the ramp. The medics stopped briefly as Carson shook his head and took charge.

 

"Let's go, people. Quickly!" He turned back to John. "Come on, Colonel. Might as well sit with Ronon while I take care of Rodney." John nodded and followed Carson through the hallway. Halfway to the infirmary, Elizabeth caught up with them.

 

"I just heard," she said as John nodded slowly. "Did it look like…" John shook his head.

 

"I couldn't tell," he whispered softly. "There are so many bruises and injuries, I just couldn't tell." Elizabeth nodded as they entered the infirmary and Carson disappeared into the back with Rodney and the medics. John and Elizabeth turned and walked around a curtain to where Ronon lay. They each pulled up a chair and Ronon slowly opened his eyes, his gaze finding John's first.

 

"Did you find him?" Ronon asked, almost fearfully. John nodded.

 

"We got him, Ronon. He's back home. Carson's working on him now." Ronon nodded and closed his eyes once more.

 

An hour later, Carson came into the room and sighed heavily. John looked up at him and stood slowly. Elizabeth had fallen asleep in her chair and Ronon had been out for almost an hour. Carson didn't look well at all and John knew that meant the news wasn't good.

 

"Just… tell me, Carson, please," John said. Carson nodded and sighed heavily.

 

"He didn't lose any of his years, John, but the enzyme is in his system. Also, there is something else. The enzyme isn't causing the damage it caused previously to him when Ford gave him so much of it before. If anything, it's reacting strangely, almost acting dormant for the most part. His blood pressure is well within normal ranges. What really bothers me, lad, is that there seems to be some splitting of cells in his blood. I think he not only took a dose of the enzyme from the Wraith that was trying to feed on him, I think his DNA mixed with the Wraiths." John wasn't sure he understood Carson correctly.

 

"You're saying he's… he's what? Going to become like Michael?"

 

"No," Carson said. "If anything, I think he's going to remain human, but there's a distinct possibility that this merging of DNA could result in inhuman strengths and perhaps even some altered personality or habits on his part. We'll have to wait and see, John. He could very well develop an immunity of some sort because of his previous experiences with the enzyme. It's likely he could be just fine." John nodded slowly.

 

"Can I see him?" Carson nodded and gave him a small smile.

 

"Go on, then. I know you need to see him yourself." John turned and walked past Carson into the curtained area where Rodney lay, hooked up the all kinds of machines, his eyes closed and his breathing deep and even. John pulled up a chair close to the bed, sat down, and held Rodney's hand in his own.

 

"I don't care what happens, Rodney," he said quietly. "I will never leave you."

 

 

Rodney was dreaming. He knew he was dreaming because there was no way he could have gotten away from the Wraith and made it back to Atlantis. There was no way he was lying in Carson’s infirmary while John slept in a chair next to his bed because, hello, in a Wraith hive ship here. And there was absolutely no way he had seen Ronon limp over to his bedside and tell Rodney that he was grateful for all his help and that he wished he could have done more because that just wasn’t Ronon. But, Rodney decided that, if he was dreaming, it was one of the nicest dreams he’d had in a long while.

 

He didn’t feel to badly, amazingly enough. As he let his gaze wander around the small room he was in, he noticed several machines, IV’s poles and bags and looked down at his arms to note that each arm had about two IV lines. He figured, if he was dreaming, the least he could have done was dreamed that he wasn’t hooked up to any of Carson’s wonderful devices. That might have been too far fetched, though, so Rodney left it alone.

 

The other thing Rodney noticed that made him believe he was dreaming was that his skin had, somehow, developed a slight bluish tint to it. Nothing major, nothing at all like what John had gone through when he’d been turning into that damned bug, but still, slightly bluish tint that Rodney wondered about. Was he not getting enough oxygen? And there… just as he thought it, Rodney knew in his mind that his oxygen intake levels were normal. Wait. How did he know that??

 

“Rodney?” Rodney’s eyes shot open as he looked up and found what looked like Carson Beckett standing over him. But that was impossible… wasn’t it?

 

“Carson?” he whispered, almost afraid to even speak the name for fear it would break the dream and he’d be back on the hive ship once more. Carson’s features relaxed and there were unshed tears in his blue eyes. “I’m really here?” Rodney asked softly.

 

“Aye, Rodney,” Carson whispered, brushing his fingers across Rodney’s face lightly. “You’re here all right, back home where ye belong.” Rodney gasped then and his hand shot out, grabbing Carson’s wrist and holding tightly even. Carson didn’t even have time to react before the gasping turned to harsh sobs that woke John Sheppard out of his sleep and caused him to move to the other side of the bed.

 

“Rodney?” Rodney turned and saw John and the sobs grew even harsher, almost violent as they racked his body with spasms. John threw a worried glance at Carson then reached out, taking Rodney’s hand in his own. Rodney released Carson and grabbed hold of John with both hands. “Shh, Rodney, love, I’m here,” John whispered, bending down so that Rodney felt the warmth of John’s breath against the side of his face. “We’re here, you’re here. It’s not a dream. It’s real. We’re all here.” Rodney couldn’t face it. It all came rushing back to him in waves and each wave threatened to drag him even further under. Carson pulled back the curtain to where Ronon was lying, now also awake.

 

“Ronon,” he said, “can you help us here?” Ronon nodded and slowly slid out of his own bed and moved towards Rodney’s side.

 

“McKay,” he said, his voice stern, demanding even. Rodney swallowed back a few sobs and slowly turned his head to the side, seeing Ronon standing there. “Yeah, I’m here,” Ronon assured him. “You gotta calm down, though, okay? You’re scarin’ Sheppard and Carson. Can you do that for me? Can you calm down?” Rodney choked back another sob, but still clung tightly to John. “Okay, that’s better. It’s okay. We’re back home.”

 

“Made it,” Rodney whispered softly and Ronon nodded. “I blew them up,” he said softly. Ronon nodded again.

 

“I’m glad,” he answered. Rodney nodded and looked back up at John. John’s hazel eyes focused on Rodney’s blue ones and he used his free hand to wipe the remaining tears from Rodney’s face.

 

“Missed you,” Rodney whispered softly. A nurse came into the area and handed Carson a needle. John nodded at Carson then looked back down at Rodney as Carson inserted the needle in the IV line.

 

“Missed you too, Rodney,” John told him as the drug slowly began to take effect. Rodney closed his eyes and his grip on John’s arm finally loosened enough for John to move away. After a few more minutes, Rodney was asleep and Ronon was back in his own bed. John pulled his chair closer to the side of the bed and sat down once more, his hand finding Rodney’s and holding it tightly, brushing his thumb across the top of Rodney’s hand. Carson watched them for a moment then left them alone. John turned his head slightly so that he could see Ronon and found the runner’s dark gaze focused on Rodney.

 

“What happened up there, Ronon?” Ronon looked at John the back at Rodney and sighed heavily. Someone had to tell him…

 

“They broke him,” Ronon answered. “It all started that first day after we left orbit…”

 

*********************

 

(Several weeks earlier on board the Hive ship)

 

Ronon and Rodney were dragged from their cocoons and into holding cells not long after being captured by the Wraith who were supposedly their allies. The webbing closed behind them and Rodney began pacing the cell.

 

“They’re going to find Earth and it’s going to be my fault and nothing will ever, EVER fix that. Nothing! They might as well just execute me now because it couldn’t be any worse than what General O’Neill will do to me when he finds out that I led our biggest enemy straight to Earth!” Ronon watched him for a moment then caught him mid stride.

 

“No one’s gonna blame you, McKay. You didn’t do anything on purpose. Besides. I know you. You’ll figure out how to stop them, stall them, destroy them.” Rodney gave Ronon a curious gaze then smiled just a little.

 

“Yeah. Of course I will.” Ronon smiled.

 

“Of course you will.” That had relaxed Rodney for a little while. Several hours later, though, Rodney had started shaking for a whole other reason. The Wraith hadn’t fed them since they’d come on board. Ronon knew Rodney could get sick from not eating often and he watched as Rodney sat on the cold, hard floor, rocking back and forth, shaking just a little and making absolutely no sense when he talked. After a few minutes of this, Ronon heard footsteps and two guards came around the corner flanked by the longhaired Wraith that Ronon recognized from Atlantis. The webbing opened and the guards immediately stunned Ronon before moving towards Rodney.

 

“Don’t…. touch… him,” Ronon growled, trying to fight the effects of the stunner. The Wraith narrowed its gaze and fired at Ronon again as the guards picked up Rodney between them and began heading out of the cell. Ronon watched, unable to do anything, as Rodney was dragged away. The webbing closed and Ronon curled up against the wall, hoping that Rodney would be back soon and that he could figure some way off this ship.

 

**************

 

(Atlantis – present)

 

John looked like he might be sick, but Ronon slowly shook his head and sighed heavily. He reached out and John moved closer to him, taking the offered hand and holding it tightly.

 

“It got worse. They didn’t bring him back for several days and when they finally brought him back, he was beaten, bruised, bloodied, unresponsive at first. When I tried to touch him, he screamed and tried to pull away, begging me to let him die. It took me an hour to calm him down enough to assess how badly he’d been hurt. After that, he took to sleeping next to me, allowing me close enough to just barely hold him so that he could sleep. I would have killed for him at that point. They came for him everyday and he went, willingly. I hate myself for letting him go.” John swallowed past the lump in his throat.

 

“He knew they didn’t want anything form you. Taking you would have been for torture only and Rodney’s never been able to let that happen to anyone. He was protecting you.” Ronon nodded

 

“I know, but it was my job to protect him and instead, it got him hurt.” Ronon closed his eyes for a moment and John squeezed his hand in reassurance. Ronon opened his eyes and looked back over at John. “They abused him, Sheppard. Not just physically. There were some days they brought him back and he could barely walk.” Ronon choked back the anger and John took a deep breath, counting to fifty before he felt able to talk without blowing his fuse.

 

“No one blames you, Ronon. Rodney’s home now. We’ll take care of him, I promise. All of us.”

 

“You’re not… I mean, you won’t…” Ronon sighed heavily and John frowned at him.

 

“What, Ronon?”

 

“You’re not going to leave him because of this, are you?” John looked away from Ronon and over to where his lover lay, hooked up to machines, skin tainted blue, fighting for his life and his sanity, and then looked back at Ronon slowly.

 

“He is my soul, Ronon. I don’t know if you can understand that or not, but without him, there is no me. I couldn’t leave him ever because doing so would be signing my own death warrant, not to mention his.” Ronon looked past John to Rodney then back at John once more and nodded slowly.

 

“He thinks you’ll leave him. He may even try to push you away. Don’t let him.” John nodded, squeezing Ronon’s hand again in assurance. Ronon gave him a slight smile then closed his eyes.

 

“Get some rest, Ro,” John said quietly. “I’ll still be here when you both wake again.” Ronon nodded and John sat there until he’d drifted off to sleep once more. John stood, bent down and brushed a soft kiss across Ronon’s forehead. “Thank you,” he whispered before turning and moving back over to Rodney. He bent down and kissed Rodney softly on the lips. “Love you,” he said softly before brushing fingertips across Rodney’s forehead. “I’ll be back soon. Promise.” John straightened up and walked out of the infirmary.

 

He moved through the hallways and, for the most part, everyone let him by without stopping him. They knew the look on his face and most people had no desire to get in his way on days like this. John stopped by his and Rodney’s quarters, changed into sweatpants, t-shirt and running shoes then took off towards the remote south pier and began running out his frustrations and anger.

 

***********

 

“Incoming wormhole,” Chuck called out to Elizabeth Weir as the klaxons sounded and the chevrons on the Stargate locked. Elizabeth walked over and stood behind him.

 

“IDC?” Chuck looked down at his screen then back up at her.

 

“Stargate Command, Ma’am.” Elizabeth nodded.

 

“Let them in, please.” Chuck nodded, disengaging the iris. Elizabeth walked out of the control room and down the steps as General O’Neill came through the gate followed by Daniel Jackson and a very beautiful woman dressed in what could have almost passed for Athosian clothing. The gate closed and Elizabeth waited for the visitors to approach.

 

Jack O’Neill was dressed in regular Air Force BDU’s and Daniel Jackson had on black BDU’s and, for the first time since Elizabeth had met him, wasn’t wearing his glasses. He looked almost younger without them. Elizabeth raised a brow slightly.

 

“What brings you to the Pegasus Galaxy, Sir?” Jack pointed to the woman with them.

 

“Dr. Weir, this is Anis. She is a member of the Tok’ra. After we received your report of what had happened with Dr. McKay, we investigated the coordinates where he was found and we found the remains of two Hive Ships in orbit around the planet. Dr. McKay took out two hive ships before beaming himself to the planet’s surface. Earth is just as indebted to him as you are.” Elizabeth nodded slowly.

 

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here, General, or why you’ve brought a member of the Tok’ra along with you.” Daniel stepped forward.

 

“Your report stated that Dr. McKay was suffering from the effects of wraith enzyme and that, possibly, his DNA had been effected or spliced with DNA from the Wraith. Anis and her Goa’uld symbiot may very well be able to help Dr. McKay. This is why we’re here.” Elizabeth seemed to relax just a little at that point.

 

“Very well,” she answered. “Welcome to Atlantis. Please,” she said as she turned towards the hallway. “Come with me.”

 

**********************

 

“No. Absolutely not. You are not coming near him or doing anything to him until he is of sound enough mind to agree to it!” John Sheppard blocked the group from entering the room where Rodney was sleeping. “You could do more harm than good to him. I won’t allow it.” Elizabeth swallowed heavily and stepped forward slowly.

 

“John, General O’Neill honestly believes that the Tok’ra can cure Rodney. I know you’re worried about him. We all are. But I think we should let them try. Rodney wouldn’t want this, John. He wouldn’t want to remain like this, with Wraith DNA running through him.” John glared at the woman that had come in with Jackson and O’Neill then turned back to Elizabeth.

 

“If she hurts him, I’ll kill her.”

 

“John!” Jack stepped forward slowly and pushed Elizabeth out of his way so that he could meet John’s gaze.

 

“I will NOT let anything happen to Rodney McKay, Colonel,” he said quietly, making sure John continued to look at him the entire time. “You have my word.” John frowned and Jack shifted his eyes towards Daniel then back to John. “You have my word.” John raised a brow slightly then nodded once and moved aside. Jack nodded once. “Thank you.” He turned to Anise. “Go ahead.” Anise moved through the curtain, Daniel right behind him. Jack turned to Elizabeth who watched John for a moment longer then sighed softly.

 

“I’ll be in my office,” she said before turning and leaving. Jack looked back at John.

 

“I’m thinking we should wait out here,” he said as he sat down in one of the nearby chairs. John watched him for a moment then sat down as well. “How long?” John glared at him for a moment and John tilted his head in that whole ‘who do you think you’re fooling’ way. John sighed heavily.

 

“Almost since right after we got here,” he answered softly. “I know, makes no sense, right? Me, military. Him, science geek.” John shrugged slightly. “But he’s more than that.” Jack nodded.

 

“They always are,” he answered with a wry grin.

 

*******************

 

Anise sighed heavily as she read over her latest readings along with Carson. She slowly shook her head and set down the pad.

 

“I am sorry, Dr. Beckett,” she said quietly. “I would appear that the Wraith DNA has taken over almost half of his human genes. To try anything more at this point would kill him.” Carson nodded slowly.

 

“Aye, love. Thank you for tryin’, though. I knew it was a long shot, but at least it looks like the Wraith DNA has stopped splicing and won’t be taking over anymore of Rodney’s human genes. It’s all we can hope for at the moment.” Anise gave him a soft smile.

 

“At least he is still human in appearance, Dr. Beckett.” Carson looked over at Rodney then up at Anise and nodded.

 

“Aye. There is that. Well,” he said, standing up from behind his desk. “I’d best go give the others the news.” Anise nodded and followed him out of his office and into the waiting area. Three hours had passed and still Jack, Daniel and John waited for news. As Carson and Anise walked into the waiting area, John stood slowly, his eyes never wavering from Carson’s. Carson sighed softly and shook his head. John stepped back only to find Jack’s hand on his shoulder. Jack turned to Anise.

 

“You can’t do anything for him?” Anise shook her head.

 

“I am sorry, General O’Neill,” she said quietly. “We have tried everything. We have, however, managed to stop the spread and growth of the Wraith DNA. It is not receeding, but it is no longer growing. For right now, it is a start.” Carson came closer to John.

 

“I’m sorry, lad. I’ve done all I can for him.” John nodded slowly.

 

“I know, Carson. Can I go in there now?” Carson nodded and John pulled away from Jack and walked into the room where Rodney lay sleeping. John choked back a sob and drew his chair over, sitting down, taking Rodney’s hand in his own. The bluish tint was still visible and all John could think of was what all had happened to himself when he’d been turning into that bug.

 

“I’m here, Rodney,” he whispered. “I’ll do whatever I can for you…”

 

*********

 

When Rodney woke later that night, he opened his eyes slowly and glanced around the room. John was asleep in the nearest chair; Ronon was still in his own bed nearby; Daniel Jackson – and just when had he arrived? – was sound asleep in a chair on the other side of Rodney’s bed. Rodney raised a brow slightly at all of this then slowly set about removing the IV’s from his arms. The bluish tint was still there but Rodney knew now that it wasn’t going to go away. It would be there for the rest of his life. It was almost amazing that the thought alone didn’t cause Rodney any alarm.

 

With the IV’s removed, Rodney slowly turned so that his legs hung off the side of the bed. He did all these things as slowly and as quietly as possible. The less noise he made, the less likely he was to be stopped. He sat up and waited for a brief moment, getting back his equilibrium before standing. He kept one hand on the bed as he stood and smiled. So far, so good. He pulled on an extra gown, pulling it on like a jacket so that it covered the opening in the back of the first gown. He pulled it around himself, tying it snugly against his stomach as he did so.

 

He glanced at his three sleeping friends and smiled softly. It was nice to have people worry about you. Nice, but unnecessary. Rodney turned and padded out of the small room and into the hallway. He stopped at the doorway that would lead to the waiting room and peered out from the small window. Jack O’Neill was sleeping in one of the chairs, arms crossed over his chest. It didn’t look as if anyone else was around. Rodney slowly pushed the door open and padded out into the waiting room, past the sleeping General, and then out into the main hallway of Atlantis. Freedom was his. Rodney smiled. Not bad at all.

 

He walked down the hallway towards his quarters, entering them, closing and thinking the door locked behind him. He discarded the medical gowns and pulled on sweat pants and a t-shirt. Next he pulled on socks and running shoes then headed back out once more. He found the nearest transporter and moved from his level to the upper Northern part of the city. There, he knew, he’d be able to get away from everyone for a little while at least. Once out of the transporter, he took a brief moment to get his bearings and then started jogging along the catwalks. Before long, the jogging turned into sprinting and the sprinting into a more practiced running pace. His pace quickened every so often and Rodney was amazed at the fact that he didn’t seem to be getting winded at all.

 

He had been running along the Northern part of the city for about three hours when he heard the alarms. He grimaced slightly. Someone must have noticed he was gone. He didn’t want to go back, but maybe he should do so and keep them from finding out about all he could do just yet. With that in mind, Rodney transported himself to a level closer to the infirmary then curled up against a doorway and waited to be found.

 

Twenty minutes later and he was just about asleep when he heard voices. He looked up to find John and Daniel walking towards him. John heaved a sigh of relief as he tapped his communicator.

 

“Carson. Daniel and I found him in the North side of level four. We’ll bring him back to you.”

 

“Aye, John. Thank you very much.” John nodded as he and Daniel both knelt down near Rodney. Rodney gave them both a sheepish grin.

 

“I’m guessing Carson didn’t find my jail break amusing?” Daniel slowly shook his head.

 

“That was not the smartest thing you’ve ever done, Rodney,” he said seriously. Rodney sighed heavily.

 

“Would it make you feel better to know that I feel fine? Better than fine, even?” John sighed softly.

 

“You shouldn’t have left, Rodney,” he said quietly. “You need to be where Carson can keep an eye on you, okay?” Rodney looked up at him thoughtfully then slowly stood along with them both.

 

“You’re afraid of me, aren’t you?” he asked solemnly. “You’re all afraid of me now.” John shook his head and tried to reach out to Rodney who backed away quickly. “Don’t,” he whispered. “Just… don’t.”

 

“Rodney, please,” John pleaded, trying to step closer to him. Rodney looked up and John and Daniel both saw that blue eyes had been replaced with black onyx instead. “Rodney?”

 

“Don’t touch me ever again,” Rodney said to them, only it wasn’t Rodney’s voice. It wasn’t the soft, dulcet blend of tenor and bass that John and Daniel both knew. It was something deeper, something more powerful and Daniel took John’s arm, pulling him back slowly. Rodney watched all of this, and then closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them once more, they had returned to their normal blue color. John swallowed past the lump in his throat.

 

“Carson wants to see you, Rodney,” he said softly. Rodney nodded and walked past them towards the infirmary. John looked over at Daniel.

 

“We are so screwed,” he whispered to the archaeologist. Daniel nodded slowly.

 

“So is he,” Daniel answered, worriedly. “So is he…”

 

 

_(Three weeks later)_

 

Three weeks had passed during which Carson had finally discharged Rodney from the infirmary and had passed along his recommendation that Rodney be allowed to return to full duty. The bluish tint remained on Rodney’s skin but it no longer seemed to bother anyone. Or, at least, it wouldn’t have if Rodney had been around anyone long enough for them to notice.

 

Three weeks after Rodney woke from his ordeal, Ronon was back on limited duty and spent most of his time watching Rodney, following him whenever Rodney allowed him to do so, and hanging out in the labs whenever he could. Rodney seemed okay with Ronon hanging around because Ronon didn’t say a whole lot and that was okay with Rodney because Ronon not saying a whole lot was like Rodney saying too much and so it just worked.

 

Three weeks passed by slowly for John Sheppard, who spent much of Rodney’s down town training with Teyla and discussing military options with Jack O’Neill. John had come to admire O’Neill a great deal and had enjoyed listening to the older man’s ideas and advice. Once or twice, they had even gone so far as to discuss their similar problems with their scientists. Jack’s scientist had a nasty habit of getting himself ascended at the most inopportune moments. John’s scientist had a nasty habit of making the biggest mistakes at the worst times. John and Jack came to the same realization that their lives would be too boring without their respective scientists.

 

Daniel Jackson spent three weeks on Atlantis, learning about the city itself and traveling with Teyla to the mainland whenever he could. He enjoyed learning about the Athosians and was eager to return to Earth and tell Teal’c all that he had learned. But Daniel Jackson also spent three weeks watching his old friend, Rodney, move more and more into a silent world of his own. Rodney had retreated back to his old quarters and Daniel watched John spend more and more nights alone. It wasn’t until that third week, that Daniel noticed John begin to seek Rodney out. Only Rodney wouldn’t have much to do with him beyond what was polite. Daniel worried for Rodney but he also worried for John. From everything he was seeing, this couldn’t end in a good way for either one of them.

 

****************

 

Ronon sat in the science lab, watching Rodney work at his laptop. Radek had come by earlier, hoping to get Rodney to take a break and get some lunch, but Rodney had run him off with his insults and his new ability to change eye color whenever he became upset. Ronon had quietly scolded him for such behavior and Rodney had taken it all in stride, his eyes fading to blue before returning to his work.

 

There was a soft sound from the doorway and Ronon looked up to find John watching them, leaning against the doorframe. Ronon gave John a soft smile and John returned it, a curious look in his hazel eyes. He wasn’t use to seeing Ronon so quiet or so soft and he wasn’t use to Rodney not yelling and waving his hands at everyone and everything. So many things had changed and John found himself hating the Wraith even more.

 

“Hey guys,” John said as he pushed away from the doorframe and entered the lab. “I didn’t see either one of you at lunch so I figured I’d come find you both before the dinner rush started. Early dinner and all that. And I was thinking we could take the food back to our… my quarters and watch a movie or something while we ate.” Ronon smiled and glanced at Rodney. Rodney continued tapping away at his laptop and Ronon turned back to John.

 

“I think that’d be a great idea,” he said, watching his CO closely. “Rodney,” he began, turning back towards McKay, “how much longer are you gonna be?” Rodney stopped for a moment and bowed his head slightly before turning around. Shocking blue eyes met them both and John felt his heart flip-flop. God how he’d missed Rodney’s eyes.

 

“Not much longer. Why don’t the two of you go one ahead and I’ll meet up with you all in John’s room. Just grab me a sandwich and maybe some chips if they have any… oh and anything that looks chocolate.” John smiled and stepped closer, placing a hand on Rodney’s. Rodney smiled up at him, sliding his fingers into John’s and squeezing slightly. He brought John’s hand to his mouth and kissed the inside of his palm. John felt as if his heart would burst. “Half an hour?” John nodded.

 

“Sounds good to me.” He bent down and brushed a soft kiss across Rodney’s lips and heard Rodney growl softly in the back of his throat. John pulled back and he saw Rodney’s eyes deepen to a darker blue but as long as they didn’t go black, John was cool. “See you then.” Rodney nodded as he watched Ronon and John leave the labs. He watched the door close behind them and the smile vanished right along with the blue eyes. The smile was replaced with a sneer and the blue eyes bled to black. He slowly shook his head.

 

“Idiots,” he mumbled under his breath. Not that he really thought that at all. Somewhere, deep inside his still very human heart, Rodney loved John more than anything in this universe and he was fighting very hard to find a happy medium between his human side and his new Wraith side. More often than not, however, the Wraith side seemed to be winning out. Now he began to understand how Caldwell must have felt when the Goa’uld symbiot had been inside of him. Rodney closed his eyes, counted prime factors for about a minute, then opened his eyes and sighed softly as they changed back to blue. He turned back to his computer screen and glanced at the graphs and charts that were there. Rodney was determined to find a cure for this… issue. He needed to be with John again and he couldn’t do that as long as the Wraith DNA coursed through his veins. He would kill himself before he ever hurt John.

 

****************

 

Ronon watched with careful eyes as John set out the food they had snagged from the mess and then moved about the room finding the movie he’d talked about and setting it on pause in the DVD player. Ronon remembered when he’d first come to Atlantis that “team nights” had happened quite frequently. After Duranda, though, the “team nights” had ended and Ronon had watched John and Rodney drift apart. They’d found their way back to each other eventually, but it had been strained to say the least. When John had been infected with the retrovirus, Rodney had spent most of his free time helping Carson look for a cure. His nights were spent in the infirmary with an unconscious John. When John had been cured, Ronon had seen them move back in together and everything had started returning to normal once more.

 

But then Michael had come with the Wraith, claiming to be their allies and now look where it had gotten all of them. John was an emotional mess and Rodney was the one infected with the Wraith DNA. Ronon silently worried for them both but knew he couldn’t do anything except be there for them if and when they needed him.

 

John sat down on the floor next to Ronon and smiled over at him. He glanced at his watch and then at the door.

 

“He should be here any minute,” John said quietly. Ronon nodded but said nothing. Time passed painfully slow, with only the sounds of their breathing filling the room. Rodney was now half an hour late and the food was starting to lose its appeal. John sighed softly and looked over at Ronon. “Maybe we should start without him. He might have gotten held up by Zelenka or one of the others.”

 

“Perhaps,” Ronon answered then followed John to the table and sat down with him. They ate in silence, neither of them doing more than eating and drinking in companionable silence. Thirty minutes later, they were done eating and still Rodney had not shown up. Ronon was worried; not so much about Rodney but about John. John stood slowly and paced the room in silence. Ronon sat back in his chair and watched him. “Why don’t you give him a call, Sheppard?” he asked nonchalantly. John looked over at him then tapped his earpiece.

 

“McKay, this is Sheppard.”

 

“I’m a little busy at the moment, Colonel. Can I get back to you later?” The voice was deep, more baritone than tenor and Ronon saw John’s whole demeanor seem to just fall apart from within.

 

“Of course, Doctor. I’ll be in my quarters if you need me.”

 

“Understood, Colonel. Thank you.” John was cut off before he could say anything more and he tore of his earpiece and dropped it onto the desk. He sighed heavily, his back to Ronon now.

 

“Guess we’ll have to try this some other night,” he said almost too softly for Ronon to hear. “Rodney’s busy.” Ronon stood and walked over to John, stopping just behind him, resting one hand on John’s shoulders.

 

“I’ll stay if you want,” he said quietly. For a moment, John made no reply and Ronon thought perhaps it would be best if he left. Then John turned around and Ronon saw the raw emotion in those hazel eyes and knew he wouldn’t dare leave John alone tonight.

 

“Stay,” John whispered. “Please.” Ronon nodded and drew John into his arms, just standing there, holding on to him, whispering nonsense into his ears, feeling the tremors running through John’s body and the dampness beginning to form on the front of his shirt. Ronon sighed and moved them over to the bed, sitting down and drawing John into him, leaning back and cradling him as best as he could. He let John cry, all the while soothing him with his voice and his hands. When the crying ended, Ronon noticed that John did not pull away from him and so Ronon did not release his hold on him. After a few minutes, Ronon felt John’s hand slowly begin to move along his sides and over the front of his shirt. Ronon closed his eyes for a moment, drawing on his inner strength then reached down to stop John’s wandering hands.

 

“John,” he warned in a whispered voice. They couldn’t do this. Ronon would not hurt John or Rodney and this would be doing both. John looked up at him and all of Ronon’s good intentions went right out the window. In those hazel eyes he saw fear, rejection, loneliness and an emptiness that would only grow if something didn’t change and soon. Ronon sighed softly and bent down, brushing his lips across John’s softly. There was a lot to be said about good intentions being thrown out the window after all. John’s hand slid up to Ronon’s neck and brought him in closer, deepening the kiss. Ronon growled softly in the back of his throat, wanting this more than he’d ever imagined. He took control, or as much control as he could, and pushed John back, raising over him, resting his weight on his arms and kissing John harder, slipping his tongue inside John’s warm mouth. John moaned and slid his own hands up along Ronon’s sides and back then down and underneath his shirt.

 

Ronon shifted down further onto the bed, pulling John on top of him as he did so. If John wanted to do this, then Ronon would let him set the pace, the tone, all of it. He was just there because he loved Sheppard, almost as much as he had come to love Rodney in their time together. Not that Ronon would ever admit it to either one of them, but he knew the truth in his heart. It was enough.

 

John began to pull on Ronon’s shirt and Ronon quickly divested himself of the shirt then reached to pull at John’s as well. John nodded, removing his own shirt then stood up long enough to remove the pants he was wearing, his eyes asking Ronon for the same. Ronon slid off his pants just as John came back onto the bed with him. John braced his hands on either side of Ronon’s body and leaned down to kiss him once more. Ronon let his hands slid up over John’s skin, touching and caressing as they kissed, knowing that this might be the only chance he ever had to do any of this with John. He allowed himself the luxury of touching and kissing John in as many places as possible while John did the same to him.

 

Neither one of them heard the door slide open or close. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice the man standing by the door, his eyes fixed on the scene before him as Ronon slid his hand inside the waistband of John’s boxers and shoved them off before raising up and allowing John to do the same to him. Neither of them heard the small moan from the man at the door as Ronon slid a finger into John, then a second, moving in and out of John as John moaned, eyes closed, lips roaming Ronon’s face and neck. The man watched them with envy when Ronon removed his fingers and slid his hard cock into John slowly. The man watched with barely controlled lust as John slid himself down hard, tearing a rough cry from Ronon’s throat as he did so. The two men moved slow and fast in turns, neither of them aware that they were being observed as they did so.

 

When John came with Ronon’s name on his lips, neither of them heard the door open and close again. When Ronon roared John’s name, hands clasped at John’s waist, neither of them knew that, in the hallway outside, the man they both claimed to love, heard it all, then walked back to his own quarters in silence.

 

It wouldn’t be until four hours later, once John had fallen asleep in Ronon’s arms, that anyone would find Rodney McKay in his quarters, blood dripping from the many and various wounds in his wrists and arms. And when Carson entered those quarters and beheld what was within, he knew he’d only found a hollow shell. Whatever had happened to make Rodney do what he’d done, had taken his soul with it. Carson called his medical team then called John and the others.

 

In the infirmary, it was Ronon who kept a steady hand on John’s shoulder when Carson told them all that Rodney was in a coma and that the Wraith DNA was beginning to mutate once more. It was Jack and Daniel who agreed to escort Sheppard back to his quarters and keep him under their guard after Carson had told him he wasn’t going to spend the night in the infirmary unless it was under sedation. And it was Ronon who, after everyone was gone, slipped behind the curtains and stood by Rodney’s bed, looking down at him with tears in his eyes.

 

“Please, Rodney,” he whispered softly. “Whatever it is, whatever made you do this, don’t let it take you from John or from me. Come back to us… please…”

 

And inside his own mind, Rodney heard those words and he shivered slightly because he knew that if he went back, he’d have to face what he’d seen, what he’d done, and he knew that, alone, he wasn’t that strong. And so, when the soft voice came to him and asked him what he wanted to do, Rodney simply bowed his head and whispered, “Make me strong…”

 

 

“He wants to go back to Earth.”

 

“They won’t allow him to do that, Sir. You know that as well as I do.”

 

“They’ll let him go back if someone goes with him. He says he only wants to go long enough to visit his sister. I think we should let him go. It might help in his healing.”

 

“Oh yes, because letting him walk around through the streets of some Canadian province with blue skin and black eyes isn’t going to get him noticed.”

 

“You’re over-reacting, Colonel.”

 

“No, General. You’re not reacting enough.”

 

“Enough. Both of you. Now, listen to me. This is Rodney’s life we’re talking about here. All he’s asking for is one week. That’s it. Just one week. The discoloration is only noticeable in his arms and legs and he wears enough clothing to cover all of that and sunglasses will take care of his eyes. I don’t see any reason why we shouldn’t grant his request.”

 

“I’ll go with him.”

 

“You don’t know anything about Earth or it’s customs.”

 

“Then you’ll go and I’ll go as back up, just in case.”

 

“Fine.” There was a heavy sigh and then silence for a brief moment. “If we’re going to do this, then let’s do it and get back. The sooner we get him back to Atlantis, the more relaxed I’ll be…”

 

********************

 

Rodney looked up from where he lay in the infirmary, watching Carson standing nearby, looking over some charts, and listening to the beeps from the machines attached to his own arms and chest. He continued to watch Carson for a moment then cleared his throat to get the Scottish man’s attention. Carson turned and gave his friend a relieved smile.

 

“It’s good to see those baby blues again, Rodney,” he said with a grin as he approached the bed and slipped his fingers around Rodney’s wrist, checking his pulse and yet needing to feel that Rodney was there. Rodney let him do so and then reached over with his other hand, holding onto Carson tightly.

 

“Have they made up their minds yet?” he asked quietly. Carson shrugged and rolled his eyes.

 

“Well, if they have, do ye think they’d actually tell me?” Rodney chuckled softly and shook his head.  Carson smiled for a moment then pulled up a chair and turned a more serious look towards his friend. “You gave us all a good scare there, lad. You’ll not be tryin’ to do that again anytime soon I hope.”

 

“I’m sorry, Carson,” Rodney said quietly. “To be honest with you, I don’t even remember why I did it. I remember thinking that I wanted to feel something, anything, I didn’t care what it was, but I wanted to feel it. And the next thing I knew, I had a knife in my hand and I was cutting into my arms but they would heal almost as soon as I made the cuts. I don’t remember much after that.” Carson nodded slowly and leaned back in his chair.

 

“Well, you’re incredible healing abilities have definitely stepped up a notch since that night. It’s taken a lot to be able to keep the IV’s in you from being pushed out. One thing I have noticed is that this new ability of yers seems to have compensated for your hypoglycemia.” Rodney frowned slightly.

 

“Meaning what?”

 

“Well, do you feel hungry or light headed?” Rodney closed his eyes for a moment then shook his head, opening them once more. “You haven’t had any real food in three days, lad. And your body was rejecting the glucose IV so we had to remove it. In essence, your body hasn’t had any nutrients in three days and you aren’t feeling any ill effects from it at all.” Rodney gave him a slight grin.

 

“That’s a good thing though, right? I mean, this means I don’t have to constantly worry about eating or whatever, right? How can this be a bad thing?” Carson nodded slowly.

 

“At the moment, I don’t see a downside to this, but Rodney, it doesn’t give you license to go days without eating, do I make myself clear?” Rodney nodded, smirking slightly.

 

“Absolutely, doc.” Carson smiled and would have said more except that the door to Rodney’s room opened admitting John, Ronon and Daniel Jackson into the room. Rodney turned and looked up at all three of them, flashing them a quick smile. John walked over to the bed, bent down and planted a quick kiss on Rodney’s forehead.

 

“Hey beautiful,” he whispered softly. Rodney smiled up at him.

 

“Hey yourself,” he answered. “You’ve brought me news, I hope?” John nodded and turned to Daniel and Ronon. Ronon stepped forward, a small smile on his face.

 

“They have agreed to let you return home for one week with the understanding that John and I go with you.” Rodney nodded and looked past Ronon at Daniel.

 

“Are you here to talk me out of going, Daniel?” Daniel slowly shook his head.

 

“Not at all, Rodney. I’m here to protect your rights, actually. I’m here to make sure they give you the choice and don’t try to make it for you.” Rodney raised a brow slightly and looked back up at John who looked slightly sheepish at the moment.

 

“John, what did you do?”

 

“I didn’t do anything, Rodney. I’m just worried that something bad could happen while you’re there, that’s all. I just don’t want to see you hurt.” Rodney flinched for a moment as a voice echoed through his head. _If you didn’t want to hurt me, then why did I find you screwing Ronon, John? What was that if it wasn’t hurtful?_ Rodney shook it off and looked back up at his lover.

 

“It’s one week, John. If you and Ronon are going with me, what could possibly go wrong?” John looked at him for a moment then nodded his head slowly.

 

“I see your point, Rodney. As soon as Carson says you’re free to go, we’ll make all the final arrangements and give you the opportunity to send a message to your sister letting her know when you’ll be in the area.” Rodney nodded.

 

“Thank you, John,” he said softly. John nodded then leaned down and kissed him on the forehead once more.

 

“Get some rest, Rodney. I’ll see you later, okay?” Rodney nodded as John turned and nodded towards Carson to join him. Carson nodded and followed John out into the waiting room while Ronon and Daniel stayed with Rodney.

 

Out in the waiting area, John paced for a moment or so before turning to Carson slowly.

 

“I want the truth, Carson. Do you think he will be any danger to his sister or to anyone else we might come in contact with once we return to Earth?” Carson sighed softly and sat down, waiting for John to sit next to him.

 

“I cannae predict Rodney’s outbreaks, John. I don’t know what brings them on or what turns them off. Anything could set him off, but then, too, he could go the entire time without one at all. It’s what we have to pray for, lad. And if something does go wrong, then you get him back to the SGC as quickly as possible and I’ll be there when you arrive.” John looked at him for a moment, and then nodded slowly.

 

“Thank you, Carson. I appreciate your honesty.” Carson nodded and dropped a hand on John’s shoulder.

 

“Just do yer best, Colonel and Rodney will be the better for it, no matter what may happen to him on the outside.” John nodded again and Carson stood and walked back into the room where Rodney lay, still talking with Ronon and Daniel.

 

“All right, you two, out of here and let my patient get some rest so he can go home and see his sister.” Ronon smiled and took Rodney’s hand in his. Rodney held on to him for a brief moment then let go. Ronon nodded and left the room. Rodney turned to Daniel.

 

“Are you going with us?” Daniel shook his head.

 

“Not this time, Rodney. Jack wants me to stick around here while you’re gone just in case anything goes wrong and Dr. Zelenka needs any help.” Rodney nodded.

 

“Sounds like a good idea, actually.” Daniel nodded with a smile.

 

“I thought so. Get some rest, Rodney. We’ll talk more before you leave.” Rodney nodded and Daniel gave him a quick wave before leaving the room. Rodney turned to look at Carson.

 

“Everything okay, Carson?” Carson nodded and smiled slightly.

 

“Aye, lad. Everything’s just fine.” Rodney nodded again and closed his eyes. Carson watched him for a moment longer then left the area and returned to his office.

 

********************

 

John hadn’t slept well in three nights now, not since the night he’d slept with Ronon and Rodney had tried to kill himself. John wasn’t completely convinced that both things happening on the same night were a coincidence. He lay there in his bed, eyes closed but not really sleeping. He knew if he didn’t get some sleep soon Carson wasn’t going to let him go through the gate with Rodney and Ronon. John knew he had to go, had to keep Rodney in check during this weeklong visit to his sister. And he knew he couldn’t do it if he was exhausted.

 

He had just about fallen asleep when he heard the unmistakable sound of his door opening and then closing once more. He shifted his head slightly to the left and caught sight of shadow in the doorway. For a moment, there was no movement and then the person stepped forward and John was surprised to find Rodney standing at the foot of his bed.

 

“Rodney?” he whispered curiously. “What are you doing out of the infirmary, love?” Rodney watched him for a moment then moved closer to the bed, kneeling next to where John lay. John turned onto his side and reached out, stroking his hand down the side of Rodney’s face. “Are you okay? Does Beckett know you’re here?”

 

“No, he’s asleep in his office,” Rodney whispered softly just before leaning in to kiss John gently. John returned the kiss then pulled back.

 

“You should go back, Rodney. If he wakes up and sees you gone, he’ll get worried.” A smile came across Rodney’s face then, the likes of which should have scared John and told him something wasn’t right. But John wasn’t fully awake and he didn’t understand.

 

“He’s sleeping, John,” Rodney whispered a little more harshly than before. “He won’t wake up for awhile.” Before John could comprehend the meaning of that, Rodney sprang into action. He moved so quickly that John had no time to react at all before Rodney was on top of him, grinning down at him like a Cheshire cat.

 

“Rodney…” John said warily, not liking this at all. Rodney leaned closer and John saw the blue eyes were gone, replaced by black ones yet again.

 

“You hurt me, John,” the deep baritone voice said almost angrily. “You hurt me.” John frowned, swallowing past the lump of fear in his throat.

 

“What did I do to hurt you?” He truly had no idea what Rodney was talking about. Rodney leaned in even closer and John’s heart skipped several beats.

 

“You and Ronon, you both hurt me…” came the harsh whisper and John winced, his eyes going wide.

 

“Oh God…” he whispered just about the time Rodney’s left hand came across his face full force. John’s head reeled to the side as he tasted blood in his mouth. This wasn’t going to be good at all.

 

“Yes, by all means,” came the baritone voice from Rodney’s throat. “Call upon your god to save you if you must, but it won’t do any good…” John didn’t dare try to fight him off. He didn’t want to do anything to hurt Rodney even if Rodney wasn’t fully in charge at the moment. Rodney reached down and pulled at John’s shorts, the only thing John had left on while sleeping. John cringed as he felt Rodney’s hand slide just under his waistband and encircle his soft cock. “Did you enjoy it when he touched you, John?” John swallowed again and closed his eyes. “Did you like the way he touched you? The way he pulled you onto him?” John couldn’t answer and he didn’t dare move his head. He was still feeling shoots of pain in his jaw from the earlier strike. Rodney grabbed John’s arms in his own and pinned John’s arms above his head, one hand holding the Colonel’s wrists tightly.

 

John opened his eyes and found those black ones watching him, trying to pull some emotion out of him, but John fought all of it, without physically fighting back at all. In the foremost part of his mind, all John could think about was not hurting Rodney. In the back of his mind, he had this nagging feeling that it might not be an option.

 

“Look at me, John, look at me and tell me that you haven’t dreamed of this, night after night, haven’t dreamed of me being like this, stronger, faster, more able to best you if and when necessary.” John swallowed again because, if this had been _his_ Rodney talking, John would have said yes to all of it. During their time together, John had tried to slowly move Rodney into becoming more independent, more in control whenever they were together. Before all of this had happened, Rodney had begun showing signs of liking all of it. Now, though, John was terrified that a Wraith enzyme induced Rodney could be far too dangerous.

 

“Rodney, please, don’t do this. Not like this. This isn’t how I wanted this to be with us.” Rodney hit him again, and John tasted more blood in his mouth. Instead of backing down, though, John looked back up into those onyx eyes and closed himself down as much as he could. “This isn’t you! This isn’t about us, Rodney, it’s about power. It’s about control! You have to fight what the DNA is doing to you, Rodney. You have to stop it!” Rodney moved and John found a hand wrapped around his throat, squeezing ever so slowly.

 

“No, John, it’s not about power. It’s not even about control. It’s about being able to do what I want, when I want, and no one, not even you, being able to stop me.” Rodney brought his face closer to John’s and John could feel the warmth of Rodney’s breath against his own lips. “Not even you.”

 

“I love you, Rodney,” John whispered as the hand around his throat squeezed tighter. “Nothing will ever change that.” The hand squeezed even tighter and John fought to stay conscious.

 

“If you really loved him, you wouldn’t have hurt him the way you did.” John’s eyes shot wide as the voice changed to something even less Rodney and more alien in sound. The eyes, still black, seemed to dilate more until there was hardly anything but pupil in them. Rodney’s breathing seemed to quicken and he snarled at John. Something was really wrong.

 

“It wasn’t supposed to happen that way,” John pleaded. “I love Rodney, more than he knows.” The hand around his throat seemed to loosen, but it also felt… wrong. Rodney leaned back and John noticed that his hair had lightened from it’s dark brown into something with more white in it. Oh this was not good at all. “Rodney…” he whispered softly. The hands released him and with a howl, Rodney fell back onto the floor, curling up tightly into a ball. John pulled his boxers back into place and picked up his headset even as he fell to his knees next to where Rodney lay.

 

“I need medical to my quarters immediately!” he shouted into the comlink. He knelt next to Rodney who was convulsing violently. “Rodney, stay with me!”

 

“Colonel Sheppard, this is Weir. Dr. Beckett was found in his office just a few minutes ago unconscious. I’ll send a team down to you. Are you okay?”

 

“Rodney’s down here with me and he’s gone into convulsions and his physical appearance is rapidly deteriorating.” As John said this, the convulsions seemed to grow worse and John reached out a hand to Rodney’s chest, trying to pick up on a heartbeat.

 

“Colonel Sheppard this is Doctor Jackson. We’re on our way to your quarters now.”

 

“Understood, Jackson. Thank you.” John tore the comlink out of his ear and threw it down as he tried to figure out some way to help Rodney. “Rodney, fight it, please.” The door slid opened and John looked up to find Ronon, Daniel and a medical team making their way into his room. Rodney opened blue eyes for a brief moment.

 

“John…” he whispered in a ragged voice that still didn’t sound like his own.

 

“I’m here, love,” John answered, leaning closer. He saw the physical changes that were more visible now than before. Rodney’s left arm and hand were fully blue and scaled, much like John’s had been when he’d been infected with the retrovirus. There was a small patch of skin on the left side of Rodney’s neck that was also blue and scaled. His face seemed normal but his hair was more white now than brown. It was all taking its toll. Rodney blinked his eyes and looked up at John, trying to focus on him. The left eye was black, the right eye brilliant blue. John bit back tears as memories of Aiden Ford surfaced.

 

“I’m sorry, John,” Rodney whispered in a ragged voice. John shook his head and leaned down, resting his cheek against Rodney’s.

 

“Don’t be sorry, Rodney. Just be well.” Ronon pulled John away then as gently as possible while the medical team began working to stabilize Rodney so they could move him to the infirmary. Rodney looked at John one last time then closed his eyes and gave himself over to the medics. Daniel moved around to stand with John and Ronon.

 

“We found Dr. Beckett after Elizabeth had tried calling him several times to check on Rodney’s status. It looks like Rodney might have knocked him out before heading down here.” John gave Daniel a worried look.

 

“Is Beckett going to be all right?” Daniel nodded.

 

“We think so. Not so much a concussion and he was starting to come around when I left to come down here with the medics.” John nodded and Daniel gave him a lengthy look. “What happened, John?” John shook his head.

 

“Not now, Daniel,” he whispered as the medics transferred Rodney from the floor onto a gurney and began wheeling him out of John’s room. Ronon squeezed John’s shoulder and John looked over his shoulder at him. “Not now,” he re-iterated before following the medics out of his quarters. Daniel and Ronon watched him go and Daniel looked past Ronon at the mess that had, at one point that night, probably been John’s bed. Daniel sighed heavily and Ronon turned, following his gaze.

 

“Get someone in here to change out the sheets and find him new pillows, etcetera before he comes back to his rooms, Ronon.” Ronon raised a brow slightly. “Trust me on this one. Please.” Ronon nodded and Daniel turned and left the room. Ronon looked around then followed him out into the hall. Daniel was bent forward, leaning against the wall for support. Ronon tapped his comlink.

 

“General O’Neill, this is Ronon. Can you come to Colonel Sheppard’s quarters, please?”

 

“On my way, Ronon,” came Jack’s reply. Daniel looked like he might be sick, pass out or both so Ronon lowered him to the floor, holding one hand at the back of Daniel’s neck until he heard the sound of boots in the hallway coming towards them. He looked up as Jack O’Neill came to stop just before them and knelt down.

 

“Danny?” he asked quietly. Daniel looked up and Jack saw the tears in his eyes. Ronon stood slowly.

 

“I’ll leave you two alone. I need to go check on John and Rodney.” Jack nodded as Ronon walked off towards the infirmary. Jack turned his attention back to Daniel.

 

“What happened?” Daniel shook his head and just pointed to John’s quarters. Jack frowned but stood and walked into the room, his vision focusing just enough in the dim light to take in the mess that had been John’s bed area. Jack took a deep breath then let it out slowly, centering himself as much as possible before turning and walking back out into the hallways with Daniel. He knelt once more and met Daniel’s blue-eyed gaze.

 

“I’m sending you back to the SGC, Danny. I don’t want you here anymore. Not after this.” Daniel opened his mouth to object but Jack cut him off. “This is NOT open for negotiation, Daniel. You’re going home. End of discussion. If Rodney attacked John, there’s no telling who else he’d go after.” Daniel nodded slowly and Jack helped him to stand slowly. They stood there for a moment, in silence and then Daniel looked up quickly.

 

“I’m going to put another call in to the Tok’ra, Jack. I think I may have just thought of a way to save Rodney…”

 

********************

 

Ronon entered the infirmary to find Rodney lying on a bed, his arms and legs strapped down to it and John sitting in a chair next to the bed, head in his hands, shaking. Ronon knew it meant John was crying. Ronon walked over and knelt down in front of John, putting his hands over John’s, touching his forehead to John’s.

 

“He’ll survive, John,” he whispered softly. “And so will you.” John looked up at him and Ronon saw the tearstains on his face.

 

“He saw us, Ronon,” John said softly. Ronon frowned slightly.

 

“What are you talking about, John?” John dropped his hands into his lap.

 

“Rodney came into the room that night you and I were… together. He saw everything. The night he tried to kill himself, remember? He did it because he’d come in and seen us together. He told me that before he… before he started…” John shook his head, unable to continue. After a moment, he took a deep breath and went on. “I betrayed him, Ronon. When the two of you came back from the hive ship, I promised him I would stay with him no matter what and I broke that promise.”

 

“You’re here now, John,” Ronon said quietly. “We will do everything we can to bring Rodney back to us. I won’t leave either one of you. Ever.” John raised a brow at that, that Ronon, not even knowing what could possibly lie ahead, would make such a promise. They both turned, then, and looked at Rodney as he lay there, unable to talk or move.

 

“I love him, Ronon. No one has ever embedded themselves in my heart and soul the way he has. I will always love him.” Ronon nodded.

 

“As it should be,” he whispered before standing slowly. “Get some rest, Sheppard. I’ll be back later.” John nodded as Ronon walked out of the room. John moved closer to the bed and took Rodney’s still human hand in his, holding it tightly.

 

“Come back to me, Rodney. I promise I will never leave you or hurt you again. Just please, come back.”

 

************************

 

_In the deepest recesses of his mind, Rodney heard all that had been said, knew all that he had done. He knew that he had hurt John but he also knew that John still loved him. He had heard Ronon’s promise and it was a strange feeling. But he also knew that he had no control over the wraith side of him now. It was growing stronger and stronger everyday. He could only hope and pray that someone, somewhere, would figure out how to save him before he lost everything he’d ever hoped to gain…_

(SGC)

 

Daniel Jackson stepped through the gate only to find himself accosted by Cameron Mitchell at the bottom of the ramp.

 

“Jack said he was sending you home because something really bad happened out there. Do you need to go see the doc or…”

 

“I want to go home, Cam,” he whispered softly, brushing past him and out the door. Cameron followed him, never leaving his side.

 

“Okay. I can live with that. Give me five minutes to get changed and I’ll take you home.” Daniel stopped and turned to him, shaking his head.

 

“No, Cameron. Not in five minutes. Now. I need to go home now.” Cameron regarded the archaeologist for a moment then nodded slowly.

 

“All right. Let’s go.” Daniel nodded and started walking to the elevator again. They passed Teal’c who tried to stop them, but Cameron flashed him a ‘we’ll talk later’ look and Teal’c stepped aside. Once inside the elevator, Daniel grabbed hold of Cameron tightly and refused to let go. Cameron pulled him closer and held him there, his head resting on the top of Daniel’s head, nothing being said as they ascended to the exiting level. Daniel offered no insight and Cameron didn’t push. When the doors opened, they had already separated and walked out through the check-in gate towards Cameron’s truck. Once inside, Cameron turned down the music and headed for Jack’s house.

 

They rode in silence for a few minutes until Cameron looked over and noticed that Daniel was shaking just a little.

 

“What is it, Daniel? What happened back there?” Daniel sighed and looked out the window.

 

“Friend of mine, Rodney McKay, he’s been infected by Wraith DNA and it’s slowly taking over his human DNA, turning him into this… monster of sorts. At the moment, he still looks somewhat human only his hair is whiter, longer and his skin has a bluish tint to it now.” Cameron nodded slowly, listening intently as he also watched the road. “Yesterday, Rodney attacked his partner in their quarters. Jack sent me back here because if Rodney would attack Jo – his partner – then he would likely attack anyone.” Cameron caught on quickly.

 

“Rodney and Sheppard?” he asked quietly. Daniel gave him a quick glare and Cameron shook his head. “I’m not one to cast stones, Daniel. Why would I say anything?” Daniel relaxed. He knew Cameron was right.

 

“Sorry. I’m just worried about them.” Cameron nodded. “Anyway… I think perhaps we should – I should – contact the Tokr’a and ask for their help again. Only this time, I think they should bring a symbiot.” They had reached Jack’s house and Cameron pulled into the driveway and killed the engine on the truck. He turned and shot a surprised look at Daniel.

 

“Wait a minute. This guy already has alien DNA running rampant through his body and now you want to introduce a Goa’uld symbiot into him and… do what, Daniel?” Daniel sighed heavily and leaned against the inside of the door.

 

“I think that the symbiot would override the Wraith DNA and destroy it. Then we could remove the symbiot.” Cameron thought for a moment. That actually made sense.

 

“Will Rodney allow this to happen?” Daniel shrugged loosely. “Okay, better question. Will John Sheppard allow you to implant a Goa’uld symbiot into the body of his partner, the man he loves?”

 

“If it means saving Rodney,” Daniel answered quietly, “ he just might.”

 

**********************************

 

(Three hours later)

 

Cameron opened his eyes and turned over to find Daniel sound asleep next to him. He let out a sigh of relief and allowed himself the selfish act of just watching Daniel breath. When Jack had sent him a message saying that he was sending Daniel home, Cameron had been worried. Jack had told him that under no circumstances was Cameron to leave Daniel alone and Cameron promised him he’d watch out for the archaeologist. Cameron knew all about Jack and Daniel and he was not one to throw stones. After all, when Jack had moved to D.C., Cameron and Daniel had invested plenty of time in flirting with one another until the flirting had grown into touches and looks that had moved into making out and from there into an actual relationship.

 

When Daniel had told Jack about Cameron, Cameron had thought he would lose his oak leafs, but Jack had come home, watched Cameron and Daniel at work together and had agreed to let the relationship continue with the understanding that Daniel still belonged to him as well. Cameron had no complaints at all.

 

It was times like this, though, when Cameron understood why Jack was ready to retire. Daniel wouldn’t leave the SGC as long as Jack was still attached to the military. It wouldn’t do any good. They could never be open about their relationship so long as even one of them was attached to the military. After hearing about what had happened on Atlantis, Cameron didn’t want Daniel anywhere near the Ancient base again. Jack seemed to feel the same way.

 

Daniel, on the other hand, wanted to do everything he could to find a cure for Rodney McKay. So far, he’d managed to contact the Tokr’a and they were going to look into finding a symbiot that might be strong enough to enable McKay’s body to fight the Wraith DNA that was slowly taking him over. Cameron knew that if and when the Tokr’a called and said they had the symbiot, he was going to have a fight on his hands. Daniel was going to want to return to Atlantis in order to insure that McKay was all right. Cameron knew if that happened, he wouldn’t be letting the archaeologist go by himself. Even if Jack was already there, Cameron wasn’t staying behind this time.

 

He was drawn out of his thoughts by small movements to his left and he looked over to find Daniel struggling in his sleep. Nightmare. No doubt about it. Cameron turned and wrapped his arm around Daniel, pulling him closer but Daniel continued to struggle.

 

“Danny,” Cameron whispered softly against the side of Daniel’s face. “I’m here. It’s okay. Wake up for me.” More struggling only it was getting more violent. Cameron sat up and pulled Daniel against him, arms wrapping around him, holding him tightly. “Daniel, come on, love. Open those baby blues for me. You’re home. You’re safe. Open your eyes, Danny.”

 

“No!” Daniel yelled as his eyes shot open and he felt himself being held too tightly. “Help me!”

 

“Danny!” Cameron whispered harshly. “Stop fighting me. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re safe.” The smaller man finally sagged against Cameron’s body and Cameron relaxed his hold a little, running a hand through Daniel’s short hair. “Shhh,” he whispered softly as he felt Daniel shaking a little. “It’s okay. You’re here.”

 

“I thought I was still… still there. I could hear him… I could see him and he was begging me to help him and then…” Daniel swallowed and Cameron closed his eyes tightly, breathing and counting to ten before releasing the breath.

 

“It’s okay, Daniel. It was just a nightmare. You’re home, in Colorado, and you’re safe.” Daniel nodded and scooted closer to Cameron. Cameron moved and slid them back down into the bed again pulling the sheet up over them both. Daniel rolled over and rested his head on Cameron’s chest. Cameron’s fingers continued to slide through Daniel’s hair as he did so, offering what comfort he could for the moment.

 

“How long was I asleep?”

 

“About three hours. If you’re still tired go back to sleep. I would imagine it’s going to take a couple of days before the Tokr’a call us back.” Daniel closed his eyes and sighed softly.

 

“Rodney’s not a monster, Cam,” he whispered. “And John didn’t deserve whatever happened to him. Rodney let the Wraith do this to him because he was protecting his teammate, a man named Ronon Dex. He got Ronon off the Hive ship and back to Atlantis where he’d be safe and then Rodney blew up the hive ship, almost ending his own life in the process. Everyone looks at Rodney and they see a coward, someone who thinks only of himself, but that’s not him, Cameron. It’s just not him.” Cameron nodded slowly. He’d read the reports himself. He knew what Daniel was saying.

 

“We’ll find a way to save him, Daniel. I promise. For John’s sake and for his own, we’ll figure this out.” Daniel looked up at Cameron and Cameron saw the surprise in those blue eyes. “No one should ever have to watch someone they love turn into something they no longer recognize.” If their relationship hadn’t been so new, Daniel might have asked Cameron who he’d lost in such a manner but for now, he’d let it go. Instead, he leaned up and kissed Cameron, feeling Cameron’s hand move to the back of his head, holding him there. He couldn’t offer much, but he could at least offer this.

 

**************************************

 

(Atlantis – Infirmary – three hours later)

 

Ronon stood in the doorway and let his gaze rest on the sleeping forms of Sheppard and McKay. John had been asleep, according to a recovering Carson, for about two hours and Rodney had not shown any signs of coming out of his coma. Ronon sighed heavily as his gaze focused more on Rodney now. Gone was the soft brown hair Ronon remembered and in its place was shoulder length white hair that seemed so wrong on someone of Rodney’s age. The last time Rodney had opened his eyes, they’d been some strange mixture of blue and black and the effect had been startling to say the least. The normal skin tone had turned completely grayish-blue now and there were small scales forming around his face and neck and arms. His hands were still human in appearance; well at least the right hand was anyway.

 

Ronon felt guilt coursing through him as he stood there. He’d allowed Rodney to be tortured by the Wraith. Rodney had forced him to go through the gate alone, leaving Rodney behind to try and destroy the Wraith himself… alone. Then, when they’d finally gotten Rodney back to Atlantis, Ronon had let himself be drawn not just to Rodney but to John as well and Rodney had seen them together and had thought John was leaving him and that had lead to where they all were now. Rodney in a coma after almost raping John; John sleeping in chairs and feeling as if his whole life was being ripped right out from under him; and Ronon, no longer sure of where he fit in with anyone anymore.

 

He was just about to wake John and suggest that the military commander go try and get something to eat when the klaxons began to sound and John woke up all on his own. He looked up at Ronon as he grabbed his earpiece and the two of them took off for the gate room.

 

“Elizabeth, what’s going on?” He yelled as they ran down the hallways.

 

“Daniel is returning from the SGC with some people. Meet us in the conference room.”

 

“Ronon and I are on our way now.” John and Ronon rounded two more corners in silence before reaching the conference room where Daniel was waiting for them. Daniel shook John’s hand, then Ronon’s and turned to the man with him.

 

“John Sheppard, this is Cameron Mitchell. Cameron, this is John Sheppard and Ronon Dex.” The three shook hands and they all sat down at the table. Elizabeth sat on the farthest side of the table with the Tokr’a member that had arrived as well. Daniel looked at John and John could see the battle in those blue eyes.

 

“Daniel,” he said softly. “Just tell me.” Daniel took a deep breath and sighed heavily.

 

“We have a way to free Rodney from the Wraith DNA. But it requires implanting a Tokr’a symbiot and letting it live out the last few months of it’s life inside of Rodney.” When John didn’t object or interrupt, Daniel continued, somewhat heartened by this turn of events. “It would only be a few months, six at the most and the symbiot – Kab’ael – is strong enough to sustain Rodney’s life when he dies. His essence will be absorbed into Rodney’s body and nothing will be left except for Rodney.” John turned his gaze towards the Tokr’a that had arrived with Daniel.

 

“Your name?” he asked calmly.

 

“I am Shime’a of the Tokr’a,” he spoke with a slight nod of his head. John returned the nod as a way of greeting.

 

“You can give us your word that this will cure Rodney and that he will be in no danger of dying when Kab’ael passes away?” Shime’a nodded once.

 

“I can give you my word, John Sheppard, that Dr. McKay will be unharmed by all of this.” John looked at Ronon thoughtfully. Ronon nodded slowly.

 

“If it will save him, John then what else is there to decide?” John nodded and looked back at Daniel.

 

“I trust you most of all, Daniel. If you say this will save Rodney, then let’s do it. The sooner the better.” Daniel nodded and turned to Elizabeth.

 

“Dr. Weir, would you show Cameron and Kab’ael to the infirmary? I’ll be there shortly. I’d like a moment along with Colonel Sheppard if you don’t mind.” Liz nodded and stood as did Kab’ael and Cameron.

 

“If you’d follow me please?” She turned her gaze to Ronon as well. Ronon looked at John who nodded at him. Ronon stood and followed Liz and the others out of the conference room. The door closed again and Daniel stood, moving closer to John and sitting on the table in front of him.

 

“I’m sorry I took so long,” Daniel said softly. “I know it couldn’t have been easy on you to have to wait through all of this alone.” John nodded slowly and leaned back in his chair.

 

“I knew you’d do your best, Daniel,” he whispered. “Rodney always said that no matter what the problem, you could always find the answer, right or wrong.” Daniel chuckled sadly and nodded. “Jack’s going to be pissed when he finds out you’re back here. You know that, right?”

 

“I know,” Daniel sighed heavily. “But he has to let me start taking care of myself at some point in time. He won’t always be there to protect me.” John scooted forward, closer to Daniel and Daniel saw the pain in those hazel eyes. John rested his hands on Daniel’s legs and pulled him a little closer. Daniel frowned but said nothing.

 

“Let him protect you, Daniel,” John whispered harshly. “Let him keep you from something this horrible ever having to happen to you. If there is anything you learn from me while you are here, Daniel Jackson, it’s this: Let the people who love you keep you safe no matter what it means.” Daniel settled his hands over John’s and watched him for a moment. John bowed his head and rested his forehead on Daniel’s leg. Daniel felt the wetness of the tears and dropped a hand onto the back of John’s head.

 

“It’s all right, John. Everything will be okay. No matter what… right or wrong… it will be okay…”

 

 

Right or wrong… right or wrong… no matter what…

 

Those words echoed in Rodney McKay's head even though he was still not quite conscious. He felt… different.

 

You are different…

 

Rodney frowned in his sleep and his mind seemed to look within itself for an answer of some sort. He knew he'd been infested with the Wraith DNA so that was why he felt different. He knew that. Why reiterate what he already knew?

 

Because you are wrong…

 

Now Rodney almost laughed. Rodney McKay was a great many things. He was a genius; arrogant and self-centered to boot at most times; occasionally outspoken. But one thing Rodney was sure of was that he wasn't wrong. Not about this. After all, he'd agreed to the damn thing so that he could live and get Ronon off that hive ship and back to Atlantis. He knew there was Wraith DNA coursing through his veins. After all, he had attacked his lover.

 

That wasn't your doing, young one… the other side of you made that happen…

 

Rodney sighed heavily, if one could actually sigh while unconscious. He decided he might as well talk to this… thing… and see if he could figure this out before he woke up.

 

All right. Fine. If I'm wrong, which, by the way I'm not, then why am I different and how was it not me who attacked John? The other voice chuckled softly and it was actually a soothing sound.

 

You are not completely wrong, child. You were infested with the genes of the one you call Wraith. But, your body, even now, is overriding that DNA and replacing it with more human cells along with a few other cells as well, but only for a short while. Rodney gave himself a moment to comprehend the meaning of that statement.

 

So, if you're not part of the Wraith DNA, then what are you and how did you get inside of me? Again there was a feeling of comfort and serenity and Rodney no longer feared the answer to that question.

 

I am Kab'ael of the Tokr'a. I am a dying symbiot who was offered the chance to help a much-needed member of the Tauri; a chance I readily accepted. You are quite brilliant, child. I will do all that I can to help you heal and to sustain you when my time to pass from this life comes.

 

You know, I should be really unhappy about this, but I'm not. I'm actually okay with the fact that there is a Goa'uld symbiot living inside of me. How bizarre is that? Again, the being chuckled softly.

 

I will slowly begin the process of bringing you back into your conscious being. Many wait for you to wake and to return to your life. You have been asleep for far too long. Rodney began to panic a little at the thought of returning to his life. Kab'ael noticed the anxiety and stopped his process once more. Something troubles you.

 

I attacked my lover, Kab'ael. I almost… I could have killed him. I'm not so sure I can face him.

 

There is no dishonor in facing that which you did, Rodney, and this was not something you had any control over. They all realize this. It is time for you to realize it as well. Rodney did his best to swallow back his fear as he began to slowly drift back into his conscious self. He waited a moment until he was sure he could feel everything again and then he slowly opened his eyes.

 

"Rodney?" The first voice he heard was that of John Sheppard and it brought a short yet sweet smile to his face. "Oh thank God," John breathed in relief. "Carson! He's awake!" Rodney heard footsteps, more than one set and tried to turn his head to focus on Carson Beckett as he came to the other side of the bed.

 

"Now then," Carson said with a smile, "'tis about time you're waking up and joining us again, lad. Welcome back." Rodney opened his mouth to speak but his throat was too dry and the words just wouldn't form. "Och, don't speak, lad. It'll be a little while before you're able to do so. We had you on a ventilator and just recently removed it. You're throat is likely to be sore for a little while, but we'll get you some ice chips for that, hmm?" Rodney nodded and felt someone's hand over his. He grasped tightly and turned a little to find John still next to him.

 

"Welcome back, Rodney," John whispered softly. Rodney nodded but after a moment he frowned just a little. Something wasn't right.

 

Hush, little one. All will be well. Right or wrong, no matter what. All will be well. Rodney closed his eyes for a brief moment.

 

This isn't right, Kab'ael. Before I went into the coma I was mad at John for something. I can't remember what, but I know I should still be upset with him!

 

Allow me. Rodney let himself go and when his eyes opened again, they were more alert and focused than before. He released John's hand and raised a brow slightly.

 

"You… are John… Sheppard?" The mixed dulcet tones that identified Kab'ael as the speaker now seemed to take everyone by surprise for a moment. John recovered quickly and nodded.

 

"I am. And you're Kab'ael. Thank you for all you are doing for Rodney. We all appreciate it very much." Rodney/Kab'ael nodded slowly.

 

"We wish to speak with you alone. In private." The voice sounded hoarse, rough, but it was getting stronger with each passing word. John looked at Carson who nodded slowly.

 

"Aye," he whispered. "I'll just be in my office if you've need of me." With that, Carson turned and left the room. John closed the curtains and returned to Rodney's bedside.

 

"We're alone, Kab'ael. Speak."

 

"Rodney feels much guilt for what happened before his coma, but he believes that something happened between you two beforehand. He says he was mad with you but does not remember why." John sighed heavily and sat down in the nearby chair.

 

"He has every right to be mad at me, Kab'ael," John answered sadly. "Before his final change, before we sent Daniel away to find answers for us, Rodney walked in on something that never should have happened." Kab'ael nodded slowly and waited for John to continue. "I had planned dinner for myself, Ronon and Rodney. Rodney was supposed to meet us in our quarters, but he never showed. He finally called me on the radio and said he wouldn't be there, that we should go on and eat without him. So we did. But it went beyond that. I was unhappy, scared of what was happening; to Rodney; to Ronon; to all of us. Ronon was there, he was available and we let ourselves get carried away. Rodney walked in on us having sex…" John swallowed harshly and felt the tears burning in his eyes. "Rodney tried to kill himself that night. I've never forgiven myself for that night…"

 

"Just as Rodney now will not forgive himself for attacking you." John looked up quickly.

 

"That wasn't his fault. I know that! It was that… it was the Wraith side of him. Rodney wouldn't hurt anyone for any reason. Please… it's not his fault. I don't… I'm not mad at him!" Kab'ael nodded slowly.

 

"In time he will understand, as will you. We must rest now, John Sheppard. When next he wakes, be here for him, even if he tries to push you away. We see how much you mean to him, you and the dark-skinned one." John nodded slowly.

 

"We'll both be here for him. Thank you." Kab'ael nodded slowly and closed his eyes. John waited for several minutes before standing and leaving the curtained area. He walked over to Carson's desk and Carson looked up at him.

 

"He's resting again?" Carson asked quietly. John nodded.

 

"Yeah. I'm going to get some rest. Call me if he wakes before I return." Carson nodded as John turned and left the infirmary. Carson sighed softly and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes.

 

*****************************

 

"I specifically told you NOT to return to this base, Daniel!" Daniel sighed and watched Jack pace their guest quarters from one end to the other. Cameron stood out on the balcony but the door was open and he could hear every word. "I sent you back to Earth to keep you safe! Do you not understand that?"

 

"Jack, please, just listen to me." Jack stopped and turned his angry gaze towards his lover. "I had to come back. I wasn't going to let someone John or Rodney didn't know suggest that a Goa'uld symbiot be placed inside of Rodney. I needed to be the one to do it. I needed to be here for them. And you have to start letting me look out for myself sometimes, Jack. You're not always going to be around." Jack raised a brow slightly but Daniel stood and held his ground. Cameron pushed off the railing and walked back into the room. Jack watched him walk into the room then turned his attention back to Daniel.

 

"I may not always be around, Daniel, but that doesn't mean I can't worry or make whatever decisions are necessary in order to keep you safe."

 

"You're trying to run my life!" Cameron stopped and turned his blue-eyed gaze fully on Daniel.

 

"Let him!" Both Daniel and Jack looked at Cameron somewhat taken back by the forcefulness in his tone of voice. "Let him do whatever it takes to keep you safe, Daniel! I told you he wouldn't want you coming back here. I shouldn't have let you come. But damnit! He's trying to keep you safe!"

 

"Cameron…" Daniel began softly, reaching out towards him. Cameron flinched and pulled away, backing up a little.

 

"There are things in this universe, Daniel, that can change you; they can kill you too but you'll beg for death if all they do is change you. Things that can turn you into a monster, into someone no one ever remembers anymore…" Cameron's voice caught for a moment and he slowly shook his head, but the anger and the fear were still evident. "We're going home, Daniel. Pack your gear and let's go." Jack raised a brow and stepped forward slowly.

 

"Rodney's got the symbiot, Cameron," he said calmly. "Daniel won't be in any immediate danger now. You can both stay." Cameron shook his head quickly and began moving towards the door.

 

"No. You don't understand! He's got to understand, you're trying to keep him alive!" Daniel reached Cameron first and grabbed him by the arm. Cameron's eyes found Daniel's and Daniel saw the memories in those eyes.

 

"Cameron. What happened?"

 

"He wouldn't listen. He never listened. I told him, stay back, let me deal with it all, but he never listened. He always thought he knew how to take care of himself, but then he couldn't and it was too late…" Cameron felt his knees buckle and he hit the floor hard. Daniel knelt next to him as Jack tapped his headset and called for Carson. "I watched him… saw him change into this monster… into an enemy I had to destroy… and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to save him…" He dropped his head onto his knees and cried, his body shaking almost violently.

 

The door to the room opened and Carson entered, taking note of Cameron sitting on the floor.

 

"What's happened now?" Jack sighed softly.

 

"I may have bothered you for no reason, Doc. It looks like he's winding down some now. He got overly upset. I wasn't sure if he was going to have to be sedated or not, so I called just in case." Carson nodded slowly and went over to kneel next to Cameron.

 

"Colonel Mitchell?" Cameron looked up slowly and Carson sighed softly. "Why don't you let me give you something so you can sleep, son. It'll help." Cameron looked over at Daniel who nodded slowly then back at Carson.

 

"Okay," he whispered. Carson smiled serenely and pulled a syringe from his small black bag and took Cameron's arm in his hand. There was a quick sting and then Cameron began to feel much more relaxed.

 

"Let's move him to a bed before we lose him, shall we?" Daniel nodded and Jack stepped closer and helped Daniel pick Cameron up and lay him on the nearest bed in the room. Cameron tried to focus on the people in the room, but he was fighting a losing battle. Daniel sat down next to him and brushed the hair off his forehead.

 

"Rest, Cam," he whispered. "I promise, I'll stay right here until you wake up again. I won't do anything to make you or Jack worry." Cameron nodded and let his eyes close. A moment later, his breathing evened out and he was asleep. Carson glanced over at Jack.

 

"I take it Colonel Mitchell has some demons in his past?" Jack nodded slowly. "Well, this will keep him out for several hours. If he exhibits anymore of these… episodes once he wakes, bring him to the infirmary, hmm?"

 

"We will. Thanks, Doc." Carson nodded and left the room, the door closing behind him. Daniel looked up at Jack, curiously, waiting for answers. Jack sighed heavily and sat down in a chair next to the bed. Daniel walked over and sat down in his lap. Jack wrapped his arms around Daniel and just held him for a few minutes, both of them watching Cameron as he slept.

 

"What happened to him, Jack?" Daniel finally asked.

 

"Same thing that happened to you, love," Jack whispered softly. "He lost his lover to a Goa'uld. He had to watch as his lover changed, became his enemy, and then had to kill him. It's why he's so protective of you." Daniel shivered in memories of his own and Jack tightened his hold on him just a little more. "He was afraid that if he told you, you'd stop seeing him."

 

"Never," Daniel whispered. "Not that I love him like I love you, but I do love him, Jack. I wouldn't leave him for something like that." Jack nodded slowly.

 

"I know, love. Give him time. He'll learn to understand that." Daniel nodded and leaned back against Jack, closing his eyes a little. Jack gave him a few minutes to settle, then picked him and settled them both onto the bed with Cameron between them. Jack gave up a silent prayer that nothing else would go wrong for at least a few hours then closed his own eyes and gave himself over to his exhaustion.

 

 

The next time Rodney woke, it was to the sound of voices, arguing but trying to be so loud. He didn’t open his eyes. Instead, he lay there, eyes closed, just listening to the voices and the words.

 

“You’re being an ass, John.”

 

“Maybe I am, but this isn’t what I signed on for, Daniel! He wasn’t supposed to blend with it and heal it! This was supposed to be a ‘heal him and leave’ deal! The symbiot was supposed to heal Rodney and then go away!”

 

_**John’s not happy with me…**_ Rodney thought to himself.

 

_^With us you mean, my friend. Perhaps he will learn to accept us in time.^_

 

_**If not then…**_

 

“Would you prefer him dead, John? Blending with a Tok’ra symbiot is not as horrible as you think. Rodney will live a long life and won’t be as easily hurt. He’ll heal incredibly fast and will have more strength than before. Isn’t that reason enough to be happy?”

 

“There is a snake in his head, Daniel! Don’t you get it? That isn’t Rodney anymore!” There was the sound of something hitting the floor then footsteps and the slamming of the door. Rodney heard the unhappy sigh and the sound of more footsteps, softer this time, coming closer to the bed. He felt a hand envelop his, holding it tightly.

 

“Selfish bastard,” Daniel whispered softly. Rodney slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Daniel, squeezing his hand somewhat. Daniel looked down into blue eyes so much like his own. “Didn’t mean to wake you, Rodney,” he said, a frown on his face.

 

“It’s okay, Danny,” Rodney answered, pushing himself up just a little, until he could sit comfortable. Kab’ael and I were just talking, that’s all.” Daniel nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed, smiling a little.

 

“What’s it like?” Daniel asked, genuinely curious as always. Rodney smiled.

 

“Well, for starters, I know I’m never alone.”

 

_^I would not leave you, Rodney. We are one. You and I. We shall see a lifetime of great things together.^_

 

Daniel nodded, his hand still holding Rodney’s. “Jacob Carter had a Tok’ra living in him.”

 

“I remember,” Rodney said. “Selmak, right?” Daniel nodded. “Apparently Kab’ael knew Selmak before he and Jacob blended. Thought a lot of him, too.”

 

“We all did,” Daniel answered. “Look, Rodney, about John…” Rodney shook his head and reached up, cupping Daniel’s face in his hand.

 

“It’s okay, Danny. I don’t regret you doing what you did to save me. I don’t regret having Kab’ael inside of me. If John can’t handle what I had to do in order to survive then it’s okay. Maybe in time he’ll see that I am still me and if not, I can live with that, too. Really.” Daniel nodded and hugged Rodney gently.

 

“I’m glad you’re back, Rodney.”

 

“So am I, Daniel.”

 

_^I will rest now, Rodney. Perhaps you should do the same as well so that we might be able to leave this place and return to more suitable quarters?^_

_**Sounds good, Kab’ael. Rest… and thank you for all you’ve done for me.**_

 

_^It was my honor.^_

 

The voice within Rodney quieted as Rodney let go of Daniel and smiled up at him.

 

“Get some rest, Rodney,” Daniel said as he stood. “I’ll be back by later this afternoon.” Rodney nodded and closed his eyes. Daniel watched him a moment longer before turning and walking out of the room, closing the door gently behind him.

 

************************************************************************

 

John stood out on the balcony of the room he had once shared with Rodney before everything had gone to hell. There was a light breeze blowing across the water and the ripples reminded John of when Rodney had been trapped in a puddlejumper a the bottom of that very blue ocean. John had been so sure he’d lost Rodney then. He had never been so happy in all his life when he and Radek had found Rodney. John had held him in his arms for almost three days before either of them had returned to work.

 

Now though… John couldn’t imagine holding Rodney again. There was something inside of Rodney that wasn’t… normal. A snake. Symbiot. Goa’uld. John’s mind screamed against all of that. But it was his own fault. He’d trusted Daniel to make the right decision and, granted, Rodney was live, but he was a Tok’ra now, no longer a Tau’ri. John had to wonder how long it would be before representatives from the Tok’ra council arrived in Atlantis to take Rodney back with them. He wasn’t so sure he could handle losing Rodney again.

 

He sighed softly and bent forward, resting his forearms against the balcony railing. He didn’t hear the door open or the footsteps that padded through the room towards him. He didn’t hear and, even if he had, he wasn’t sure he’d have cared at that moment.

 

“I thought you loved him, Sheppard. When I brought him back, you swore to me you’d never leave him.” John bowed his head. Ronon. He should have known.

 

“Go away, Ronon,” he whispered harshly. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Ronon stalked over to John and grabbed him by the arm, pulling John around to face him.

 

“No,” he said almost angrily. “You don’t get to stand out here alone feeling sorry for yourself while Rodney lays in the infirmary wondering if you hate him. It’s not going to happen, Sheppard. You need to talk to him.” John glared up at Ronon.

 

“No, I don’t,” he said, jerking away from the Satadean. “Part of him is still Rodney, I will grant you that, but he’s not alone anymore! He’s got a symbiot inside of him that will allow him to live far longer than you or I ever will! I can’t do this, Ronon. I can not willingly allow myself to continue a relationship with someone who might, at the moment, be our ally but in a year or more could turn into something more like the Goa’uld. I can’t do it!” Ronon slowly shook his head and backed away.

 

“You don’t have a choice, John,” he whispered softly. “Leaving Rodney will only kill you both in the end.” John frowned, seeing the unshed tears in Ronon’s dark eyes just before Ronon turned and walked out of the room. John let him go… he didn’t have the strength to do anything else.

 

************************************************************************

 

Jack watched Cameron sleeping and sighed heavily. Daniel had gone to check on Rodney and to talk with John about two hours ago just after Cameron had dozed off. Things weren’t going very smoothly between the three men at the moment and Jack had the idea that it was kind of his fault. He’d bullied Daniel into going home and had then backed Daniel when Cameron had wanted to send him back home again. Jack sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. He was getting way to old for this. He wasn’t a referee for cryin’ out loud. He was a two star general and he was letting his two lovers use him as their bouncing wall so to speak. He was tired of always being caught in the middle between them. He really needed to talk to them both at one time.

 

Cameron slowly opened his eyes, the room coming into focus slowly but surely. He saw Jack sitting nearby and noticed just how tired and unhappy Jack really looked. Cameron knew it was partially his fault for being so overprotective, but it was Daniel. How else was he supposed to act? He sighed softly and that caught Jack’s attention because those brown eyes were suddenly focused on the younger man. Cameron slowly sat up, brushing a hand through his short-cropped hair. Jack left his chair and walked over, sitting on the bed next to Cameron.

 

“You’ve only slept about two hours,” Jack said softly.

 

“Where’s Danny?” Cameron asked, looking around.

 

“Visiting Rodney in the infirmary and trying to talk some sense into John.” Cameron looked back at him and frowned slightly. “John’s having issues with Rodney being a Tok’ra.”

 

“Ah,” Cameron said, understanding the problem. “At least he’s Tok’ra and not Goa’uld. Maybe John needs to hear a few stories before he makes a final decision on whether or not to desert his lover.”

 

“You knew?” Cameron glared at Jack for a brief moment. “Ah.”

 

“All I’m saying is that maybe the man needs someone to give him a swift kick in the ass.” Jack gave him an easy smirk.

 

“Are you volunteering?” Cameron chuckled.

 

“Got my hands full at the moment, don’t you think?” He looked up at Jack and Jack reached out and slid his hand down the side of Cameron’s face.

 

“We can’t always protect him, Cam,” Jack said quietly. “We can’t build a wall around him and tell him to stay within it’s walls. Eventually, he’s going to get away from it and from us and we have to let him or else we’re going to lose him for good.”

 

“I know, Jack. I just don’t want him to get hurt.” Jack nodded slowly.

 

“Me either, Cameron. Look, get dressed and come with me to visit Rodney. If anything, it might help you some, too.” Cameron nodded, stood up and walked into the bathroom to wash up and get dressed. Jack watched him go then turned to walk out onto the balcony when there was a knock at the door. He turned around and walked towards the door. When it slid open, he almost wasn’t surprised to see John Sheppard standing there.

 

“Is this a bad time, General?” John asked quietly.

 

“Not at all, John. Come in.” Jack stepped aside and John entered the room, the door sliding closed behind him. “You don’t look well. Have you slept?” John paced the room a little and shook his head.

 

“Haven’t been able to sleep, Jack. Rodney’s got a snake in his head and I let them put it there…” John stopped and for a moment it seemed as if everything finally caught up to him. “Oh God… I let them…” he seemed to choke on the words and Jack stepped over and caught his arm before he could fall on the floor. Jack lowered him into a chair and knelt in front of him. “I let them do this… to him…” Tears streamed down John’s face and Jack did the only thing he could do; he wrapped his arms around the younger man and let him cry.

 

“It’s not that bad, John,” Jack whispered softly, unaware of the fact that Cameron had come back into the room fully dressed. “Rodney’s a Tok’ra, not a Goa’uld. Granted, he’s not the same as he was before, but he’s alive and he’s here and you have time now to tell him anything you haven’t told him before.”

 

“Not… the same,” John’s body seemed to be racked with sobs. “I hurt him, before he tried to kill himself… my fault he had to have the symbiot…” Jack frowned slightly then felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find Cameron standing there. Cameron slowly shook his head and Jack turned back to John.

 

“What do you mean, John?”

 

“He saw me… with Ronon… and then… he was dying… and I let them… put a snake in him… so I could tell… him I was… sorry…” John was having trouble breathing and Cameron pushed Jack aside, sitting next to John and almost pulling John into his lap.

 

“You were hurting, you were losing the man you loved more than anything else in this world and someone came along that could give you a moment’s peace, but it backfired and now you’re left wondering if your life is over.” John nodded slowly and Cameron sighed softly. “He loves you, John. He will always love you. And, given time, I’m fairly certain he’ll forgive you as well. But you have to forgive yourself.”

 

“How… can I ever forgive… myself for this…”

 

“Because if you don’t, our lives are both over.” John’s head jerked up as did Cameron’s and Jack turned around to find Rodney standing in the doorway of the room. He was wearing black jeans and an ocean blue pull over shirt and black boots. On either side of him stood Daniel and Ronon. John pushed himself away from Cameron and walked slowly towards Rodney.

 

“Rodney,” he whispered, stopping about a foot away from his lover. Rodney sighed softly, tilting his head and giving John a wistful smile.

 

“You always hurt the ones you love the most, John,” Rodney said softly. “I don’t hate you. I’m not mad at you. Kab’ael has made me see that there are worse things, such as never being able to hold you in my arms again. And it wasn’t a mistake, John.” Daniel moved past them into the room closer to Jack and Cameron.

 

“What do you mean?” John asked curiously, his gaze moving back and forth between Ronon and Rodney. Rodney looked over at Ronon then back at John.

 

“Before all of this happened, when I was still on that hive ship, after I’d sent Ronon back to you all, I told myself that if I ever made it back to you in one piece, I wouldn’t dare lose either one of you again.” John’s gaze narrowed slightly. “I love you both, John. It wasn’t a mistake.” For a moment, John didn’t seem to understand then Rodney stepped closer and pulled John into his arms and held him tightly. After a moment, Ronon slid to the side and wrapped an arm around John as well. Rodney looked past John towards Daniel, Jack and Cameron. Daniel gave him a brief yet sad smile then turned and walked out onto the balcony. Rodney pulled back and glanced at John.

 

“We should finish this in our own room, yes?” John nodded and glanced over his shoulder at Jack and Cameron.

 

“Go,” Jack said. “Stay out of trouble.” The three men left the room and the door slid shut behind them. Jack sent a mental thought to lock the door then turned and looked at Cameron. “Go talk to him.” Cameron nodded and walked out onto the balcony, stopping next to where Daniel stood.

 

“Danny…”

 

“Don’t, Cam,” Daniel answered without looking at him. “I can’t deal with anything more today. Just… leave it alone for one more day. Please.”

 

“I can’t, Danny. I need you to hear me out. Please.” Daniel sighed heavily but remained silent. “I was in love with a man named James Sandler. He wasn’t military but he was a civilian consultant, much like yourself. One day, he came and told me that he was getting this great opportunity to do something important but he couldn’t tell me what. He’d be back in a few weeks and maybe he could tell me then. Well, he left and when he came back I was in Antarctica fighting the Goa’uld invasion with everyone else. I spent all that time in the hospital afterwards and he never knew where I was but I thought about him every day. When I finally got out and went home on leave, he was there, waiting for me. But it wasn’t the James I’d known.” Daniel looked over at him and Cameron saw the sadness in those blue eyes and looked away.

 

“I didn’t see it at first and by the time I realized what was happening, I almost didn’t have the strength to do anything about it. But I finally did. He had me pinned down, sitting on my legs so I couldn’t get away. I knew what he was going to do. He’d been telling it to me ever since he found out I knew the truth. Anyway, I saw my only chance when he turned to grab something behind him. I pulled my weapon out from under the chair where it had fallen and I shot him, point blank in the chest. I held him then, in my arms, his blood all over me, as life drained away from him and I swore to myself that day that I’d never lose someone else I loved to the Goa’uld.” Cameron turned back to Daniel and saw the tear tracks on his face.

 

“Don’t you see, Danny? I’m so scared of losing you that I over-compensate and I hate doing that, but I can’t lose you, too.” Daniel stepped over to him and wrapped his arms around Cameron tightly.

 

“I didn’t understand,” Daniel whispered softly. “I’m sorry, Cam. I’m so sorry.” Cameron held on to him tightly and it was all Daniel could do to keep them both standing. Jack watched from inside the room and nodded slowly. Everything would be okay. It was just going to take some time…

 

 

Rodney led John and Ronon back to their quarters, getting them both inside and shutting the door behind them. The door out onto the balcony was open and a breeze stirred through the room. John stopped in the middle of the room, his gaze never leaving Rodney as Rodney seemed to stalk closer to him. Ronon stood just behind John, watching the two of them in silence. Rodney stopped just in front of John and reached out, his hand sliding up behind John’s neck and pulling him forward, kissing him none to gently. John groaned and his hands went to Rodney’s waist, pulling him closer. The kiss deepened and Rodney moved, pushing John until John’s back connected with Ronon’s chest. Rodney broke the kiss as Ronon’s arms went around John, holding him tightly.

 

“No mistakes, John,” Rodney whispered softly. “No regrets. Just us.” John nodded slowly as Ronon bent down, nipping at the skin just behind John’s left ear. Ronon’s eyes were dark and focused on Rodney as Rodney leaned in to kiss John once more. Ronon’s hands slid up underneath John’s shirt and John moaned at the warmth of those hands against his skin.

 

“We want you, John,” Ronon whispered harshly against John’s neck. “Both of us.” John broke the kiss off from Rodney, groaning at that last statement, feeling Ronon’s hardness grinding against his ass.

 

“Yes,” John whispered, his eyes darkening more than before. “Oh yes…”

 

***********************************************************************

 

Jack watched Daniel and Cameron out on the balcony and wondered if he should leave them alone. Cameron looked past Daniel at Jack and Jack raised a brow slightly. Cameron shrugged and the look in his eyes told Jack that he wasn’t quite sure what to do at this point. Jack sighed softly and stood, walking out onto the balcony with them.

 

“Come inside, both of you,” he said softly. “Sun’s setting and it’s getting cooler. No sense in any of us getting sick.” Daniel nodded and walked into the room without a look at either Cameron or Jack. Cameron sighed and followed him in as Jack closed the balcony door and turned to watch them. Daniel sprawled out on the bed on his side, curling up slightly into what Jack referred to as his ‘leave me alone, I’m fine’ action. Cameron moved over to the sofa and sat down on its edge, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. It didn’t look like things were going to get any easier tonight. Jack walked over to the bed and sat down next to Daniel, reaching over and brushing a stray lock of hair out of Daniel’s face. Daniel glanced up at him wearily then closed his eyes once more. There was pain in those eyes, but Jack didn’t think Cameron was the cause of it.

 

“Cameron,” Jack said quietly. Cameron looked up and stood, walking over to Jack and Daniel. “Call Carson.” Cameron nodded and tapped his headset, stepping away from the bed as he called the Atlantis doctor. Jack’s attention never left Daniel. “How long has it been hurting?” Daniel winced slightly as he opened his eyes again slowly.

 

“About an hour now,” he whispered softly. Jack nodded as Cameron returned to their side.

 

“He’s on his way,” Cameron answered, sitting on the other side of the bed, his hand sliding up under Daniel’s shirt and rubbing his back gently. “How bad, Danny?”

 

“Nail through my head,” Daniel whispered again. Cameron sighed and continued rubbing his back. The bell sounded at the door and Jack rose to answer it.

 

“Thanks for coming, Doc,” Jack said, stepping aside to let Carson into their room.

 

“No problem, General,” Carson said as he walked over to the bed and sat down next to Daniel. “Havin’ a wee bit of a headache are we, son?” Daniel nodded once and winced in pain as he did so. Carson looked at Jack and Cameron. “Is he allergic to anythin’?” Cameron shook his head and Jack thought for a moment then did the same. Carson opened his bag and pulled out a syringe and a small bottle. “I’ll give him somethin’ for the pain as well as somethin’ to help him sleep.”

 

“That’d be good Doc, thanks,” Cameron said as he kept his hand under Daniel’s shirt. Carson reached over and took Daniel’s arm, raising the sleeve.

 

“Just a quick pinch and everythin’ will be feelin’ much better,” he said just before he slid the needle into Daniel’s arm. Daniel flinched a little and then seemed to relax. He opened his eyes briefly and gave Carson a soft half-smile before closing them once more. Carson smiled and repacked his bag. Standing, he turned to face Jack.

 

“Thanks, Doc,” Jack said quietly.

 

“Yer welcome, General. That should let him sleep through the night if nothin’ else. Call me if he wakes up still in pain or if he has any more trouble tonight.” Jack nodded and Carson walked out of the room. Jack locked the door with a mental thought and moved back to the bed where Daniel was slowly beginning to doze off. Jack looked up at Cameron.

 

“Let’s get him out of these clothes, Cam,” he said quietly.

 

******************************************************************

 

Ronon had maneuvered himself and John to the bed and now he sat there, with John between his legs, holding him there as they watched Rodney slowly undress before them. Ronon’s hands were doing sinfully delicious things to John’s body as they watched Rodney undress and John had to fight to keep his eyes open and to keep from moaning too loudly.

 

Rodney stripped out of the shirt slowly, taking it over his head and then letting it dangle in his hand for a moment before dropping it to the floor. He ran one hand down his chest slowly, teasingly, watching the way Ronon and John both watched him and nothing else. Rodney watched Ronon’s hands slide up beneath John’s shirt and watched John try so hard not to writhe beneath those hands. Rodney’s own hands moved to the belt on his pants and he slowly unbuckled it even as he took a couple of steps closer to his lover and soon to be lover. John reached out to Rodney, his own hands sliding along Rodney’s as Rodney removed the belt and let it fall to the floor. Ronon’s hands slid up further and pulled John’s shirt over his head. John let it go without a second thought.

 

Rodney let John slide down the zipper of his pants and then he gasped softly when John’s hand slid inside and grasped him tightly, squeezing ever so slightly. John smiled and the look was almost smug. One of Ronon’s hands slid between John’s thighs and brushed against his jean-encased hard on and John shuddered. Rodney gently removed John’s hand and knelt before him, between John’s legs, his hands resting on John’s upper thighs as he did so.

 

“Kiss me,” Rodney whispered softly and John leaned forward just a little and kissed Rodney gently. Rodney slid one hand up behind John’s neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss as he did so. Rodney’s other hand joined Ronon’s in its exploration of John’s hardened areas. Between the two of them, they got John’s pants undone and slid about half way off his legs. Rodney broke the kiss and leaned back long enough to pull of John’s pants, giving Ronon a chance to pull John further onto the bed with him. Ronon leaned against the headboard, his own shirt gone somewhere to the floor with the other clothes, and pulled John back against him, his hands mapping out patterns along John’s chest and abdomen. Rodney shucked his pants and both men sucked in breaths of desire.

 

Rodney crawled with the grace of a cat across the bed towards them and the desire between the three grew even more. Inside Rodney’s mind, Kab’ael slept.

 

Rodney slid up along John’s legs until his mouth was even with John’s very eager cock. He bent down and slid his tongue over the tip causing John to groan and lean back into Ronon’s grasp. Ronon’s hands continued to slide along John’s upper body as Rodney gave a quick grin before engulfing John’s cock in his mouth hard and fast.

 

“Gah!” John cried out, body arching off the bed as he did so. Ronon let him slide further down until John’s head was in Ronon’s lap and Ronon’s hands were in his hair and on his chest as Rodney continued to suck and lick him towards a staggering climax. John’s hands dug into Ronon’s bare thighs and he arched back, his dark eyes meeting Ronon’s smoldering ones. They held each other’s gaze as John’s breathing slowed and Rodney slid up along his body until he could lean over John and kiss Ronon almost hungrily.

 

“I want to see you inside of him, Ro,” Rodney whispered against the Satadan’s mouth. Ronon growled in the back of his throat and nipped at Rodney’s bottom lip.

 

“I’ve been inside of him, McKay,” he growled back almost harshly. “I want to be inside of you.” Rodney smiled wickedly at him and leaned back, holding his arms out in supplication.

 

“As you wish,” he whispered. Ronon growled again and moved to John’s side pulled Rodney with him and pushing him onto his stomach next to John. John turned his head and met Rodney’s gaze as Rodney raised the lower half of his body towards Ronon. John scooted over and slid his tongue along Rodney’s jaw and slid one hand beneath his lover’s body.

 

Ronon settled on his knees and slid two slickened fingers into Rodney slowly, twisting them, opening Rodney to him as he did so. Beneath him, John’s hand wrapped around Rodney’s semi-hard cock and began to stroke him slowly. Ronon added a third finger and Rodney gasped in surprise. Ronon chucked softly then withdrew his fingers and pushed the head of his cock against Rodney’s opening. John met Rodney’s gaze once more.

 

“You’re beautiful like this, Rodney,” he whispered softly. “I wish you could see yourself…”

 

Ronon pushed into Rodney in one full thrust and Rodney’s breath caught in his throat. John grasped him tightly and then Ronon began to move. John moved his hand in time with Ronon and Rodney moaned and moved and gasped and pleaded. John and Ronon met each other’s gazes and then both focused once more on this man that they both loved.

 

Rodney pushed back harder against Ronon and Ronon answered him thrust for push. It was almost a battle of wills to see who was dominating this mating ritual as it were. John’s hand kept time with them both and before he could catch his breath to tell them, Rodney took one breath in and let it out screaming both their names. He spilled his seed onto John’s hand as Ronon thrust home once more and came, crying out Rodney’s name in a harsh whisper.

 

************************************************************************

 

Jack watched as Cameron tucked Daniel under the covers in the middle of the rather large bed and then stepped back, watching Daniel for a few moments. Jack moved around the bed to stand next to Cameron.

 

“Everyone thinks the Goa’uld or the Ori or the NID are his biggest enemies,” Jack said quietly. Cameron looked over at him. “It’s these migraines. Those are his worst and biggest enemy.” Cameron nodded slowly.

 

“Ever since that last ascension – descension thing, they’ve been getting worse. I think the stress of Rodney almost dying and then becoming a Tok’ra host has brought this on this time.” Jack nodded slowly as they both looked back at their sleeping lover.

 

“Shower then bed?” he asked quietly. Cameron nodded.

 

“Works for me.” Jack turned and taking Cameron’s arm, led him into the nearby bathroom. Once inside, Cameron started the water while Jack slowly began to undress. Cameron turned, watching him for a moment, and then undressing as well. Jack stepped under the spray of hot water first, adjusting the temperature just a little before Cameron stepped in behind him.

 

No words were spoken, but then, rarely were they needed in times like this. Cameron’s hands slid along Jack’s back, over the ridges of scars and the ripples of muscle, up along his shoulders and back down over his arms. Jack sighed softly and closed his eyes, the water and Cameron’s touch doing more for him than any doctor or medicine could do. When Cameron’s hands slid lower to cup him gently with one hand and wrap around him with the other, Jack groaned softly and Cameron took his weight and held him there, stroking and cupping slowly and tightly all at once. Jack leaned forward slightly, hands against the wall of the shower as he felt Cameron press up against him.

 

Jack nodded once and Cameron stepped closer, sliding his own hardened cock slowly into Jack’s opening, holding there once he was fully inside the heated flesh. They both remained still and quiet before Jack pushed and Cameron began to move. His hand slid up and down the velvety flesh it was wrapped around while Jack’s body did things to him that made him want to scream. But neither would make a sound. Nothing would disturb Daniel or come between them when they were like this.

 

Cameron moved a little faster, dropping his head to scrape his teeth along the line of flesh that ran from Jack’s neck to his shoulder. Jack shuddered and bit back a moan as Cameron bit him there just enough to provoke the intended response. Jack pushed back harder and Cameron moved even faster. Jack’s hand slid down and wrapped around Cameron’s along his own cock, moving it in time with them both.

 

The only indication that they were both nearing completion was when Cameron gripped Jack’s hip tightly, fingers digging into his skin and Jack bit on his bottom lip so hard that it bled a little. Jack spilled over his and Cameron’s joined hands as Cameron spilled inside Jack’s heated body.

 

Afterwards, they washed each other gently in the cooling water, then stepped out, toweled off and moved towards the bed they would share with Daniel. Jack moved to the side closest to the door and Cameron moved to the side closest to the window. They each slid into bed, Cameron pulling Daniel into his embrace against his chest and Jack lying on his other side, facing them both, one hand sliding up and down Daniel’s arm, his eyes firmly on Cameron.

 

“Love you, Cam,” he whispered softly. Cameron smiled softly.

 

“Love you too, Jack,” he answered before kissing the back of Daniel’s head softly and then closing his eyes. Jack waited until Cameron’s breathing evened out then closed his own eyes and allowed himself to sleep.

 

************************************************************************

 

Rodney opened his eyes to find John sound asleep between himself and Ronon. Ronon was also asleep and Rodney regarded them both quietly. After a few moments, he began to grow restless. He slid out of bed and grabbed his clothes, dressing quietly and quickly. Inside his mind, something felt… off. He left the room and moved down the hallway until he found an empty room. Walking inside, he sat down on the floor and closed his eyes.

 

_Did you enjoy yourself?_

 

**Should I not have?**

 

_It was simply a question. I wish to learn._

 

**Yes, I enjoyed myself. How could I not? You’ve seen them both.**

 

_Indeed I have._  There was silence and Rodney tried to open his eyes but found himself unable to do so. _You should thank me…_

 

**What?**

 

_I am not usually so generous…_

 

Rodney’s eyes shot open and flashed gold for a brief moment.

 

“I am not usually so generous at all,” whispered Kab’ael in his disembodied voice that spoke of what he truly was. He stood slowly and turned, watching the way the body moved and how it’s eyes truly saw. “And now that I have given of myself, I shall take what is mine…”

 

Kab’ael left the empty room and walked back towards the suite where John and Ronon lay sleeping still. He entered the room, the door sliding shut behind him. John’s eyes opened slowly and he pushed himself up just a little.

 

“Rodney?” he whispered into the darkness.

“Is gone,” came the answer in a flash of gold eyes….

 

 

“Rodney…” John whispered, sitting up further, pulling the sheet around him as he did so. “Kab’ael, what have you done?”

 

“I am not Kab’ael either, although it was… entertaining to let the Tok’ra think that I was.” John frowned slightly.

 

“What do you mean?” ‘Rodney’ moved closer and John held up his hand, as if that was going to stop him, but for the moment, it seemed to work.

 

“What I mean, hassak, is that my name is not Kab’ael. I killed him and his host then made it appear as if I were Kab’ael and had taken a new host. But then the host I blended with began fighting me so I began to slowly kill him as well. That is when the Tok’ra contacted Dr. Jackson and informed him that “Kab’ael” needed a new host and so, here I am and here we are.”

 

“What about Rodney?” John asked softly, unsure of whether or not he really wanted that answer.

 

“Nothing of the host remains when we take them over. Rodney is no more.” He stepped forward and John shifted backwards into Ronon who awoke and turned to see what was going on.

 

“Rodney?” he said, sitting up slowly as well.

 

“No,” John answered. Ronon frowned.

 

“Rodney is gone, Ro,” the voice inside Rodney’s body answered with a sneer. Ronon shot out of bed, dragging John with him as he did so. He didn’t seem to care that neither one of them was dressed. He pushed John behind him, making sure his eyes never left the Goa’uld that now inhabited the body of his former lover.

 

“What are you called,” Ronon demanded to know. He would not use Rodney’s name with this creature.

 

“You may call me Anukis, your god.”

 

“I have no gods,” Ronon answered harshly, “least none that invade the bodies of their creations and use them like this. And if you think you’re leaving this place alive, you are sadly mistaken.” Behind him, John almost whimpered at that thought and Ronon hated having been the one to voice it in front of him.

 

“Who said I wanted to leave?” Anukis said, grinning almost madly. “I rather like it here. I like the city, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the people…”

 

***********************************************************************

 

_“Daniel…” Daniel opened his eyes and glanced around. He raised a brow slightly and pushed himself to his feet._

_“Where am I?” He turned and sighed softly as Oma Desala stepped forth to meet him. “Oma. Where are we and why are we here?”_

_“I bring a warning, Daniel, and I don’t have much time to deliver it.”_

_“What, no riddles or proverbs this time?” Daniel asked somewhat sarcastically._

_“They would only waste what little time you have,” she answered, coming closer to him. “Anukis is in Atlantis.”_

_“Excuse me? I could have sworn you just said Anukis was in Atlantis.” Oma nodded solemnly._

_“You heard correctly, Daniel. He is in Atlantis and has taken control of your friend, Rodney McKay. He must be destroyed, Daniel. You know what has to be done.”_

_“No,” Daniel said, shaking his head slowly and backing away from her. “I’m not going to kill Rodney. No way, no how. I’ll contact the Asgard and get them to remove the symbiot…” Oma shook her head and reached out to him, taking his hand in hers._

_“It will not be enough. Anukis is as powerful as Anubis ever was after his partial ascension.” Daniel glared at her then sighed softly._

_“Ascend him,” he demanded. “If I have to take his life then you help him ascend. Swear to me you’ll do it otherwise I’ll call the Asgard and let the Others deal with Anukis.”_

_“I can’t promise you anything, Daniel,” Oma answered softly. Daniel snatched his hand away from hers._

_“Then I’m not helping you.” He turned to walk away from her._

_“If I ascend him, there will be no getting him back.” Daniel turned around with a look on his face that could only be described as the ‘cat ate the canary’ look._

_“There is always a way back, Oma,” he said with a menacing grin. “Been there and done that… three times now. Ascend him or there is no deal.” Oma watched him for a moment then nodded her head once._

_“As you wish,” she answered…_

 

Daniel woke and sat straight up in bed. Jack and Cameron both roused, looking at him.

 

“Danny?” Jack said, sitting up slowly. Daniel looked around then slid out of bed.

 

“Get dressed, get to John’s quarters. Something’s very badly wrong…”

 

************************************************************************

 

‘Rodney’ moved closer towards Ronon and John, a menacing look on his face that looked so wrong that John wanted to scream, wanted to throw himself at Rodney’s feet and beg him to come back to them. But Ronon held him back, trying to keep this from getting any worse than it already was.

 

“You will both serve me well once we return to my world… a strong First Prime and a faithful Lo’tar. I will build an army to rival that of my brother Anubis and that of my enemy Ba’al. I will be unstoppable.”

 

“What you’ll be is dead.” Ronon and John looked past Rodney to where Cameron, Jack and Daniel stood in the doorway. Daniel held a zat gun in his hand, aimed at Rodney. Jack and Cameron both hoped he wouldn’t have to use it at all. “Step away from them, Anukis,” Daniel said in a deeply threatening voice. “I’ve got no problem with killing you where you stand.” Anukis/Rodney regarded Daniel for a moment and decided that the younger man was, indeed, telling the truth. He stepped away from Ronon and John who quickly grabbed pants and pulled them on. Being shirtless was okay, but anything else wasn’t comfortable at that moment. Pulling John with him, Ronon moved across the room to where the others stood.

 

“How’d you know who he was?” John asked almost angrily. If Daniel had known the truth all along, John might be willing to commit murder.

 

“I had a visit from an Ancient,” Daniel began, his gaze never leaving Anukis/Rodney. “She warned me that there was trouble and who our visitor really was.”

 

“Tsk, tsk,” Anukis said. “Oma’s interfering again I see. Anubis told me she was like that.” Daniel nodded slowly.

 

“Anubis is long gone.” Jack moved along side John and began to try maneuvering him out of the room itself. He didn’t want John to see what was about to go down. John didn’t seem to care what Jack wanted.

 

“I’m not leaving!” he growled. “I want Rodney back. We’ve got a stasis pod. Put him in it and call the Asgard!” Daniel sighed softly.

 

“We can’t, John,” Daniel whispered. “It won’t destroy Anukis.” John stopped struggling against Jack, as if he finally understood where all this was going to end.

 

“Daniel…” he called. Jack looked over at Ronon who nodded slowly and grabbed John’s other arm, holding him back. “No!” Daniel raised the zat gun and Anukis/Rodney raised a brow slightly.

 

“Would you really kill me, Daniel Jackson? Would you really kill this body, knowing that, in doing so, you’d be killing your friend?”

 

“Rodney would want this,” Daniel answered calmly. “He would not want to be a host to the Goa’uld.” He fired the first shot, which rendered Anukis/Rodney almost unconscious. He fell to the ground and Cameron moved in quickly. He pulled a lemon wedge out of his pocket and held it to Rodney’s mouth, squeezing it almost gently. Almost immediately, Rodney’s eyes shot open and flashed weakly.

 

“What…” came the baritone voice but that was all that was spoken. This was something new to the symbiot, something he wasn’t equipped to handle or understand. It didn’t take long before Rodney’s breathing stopped and the symbiot broke free through Rodney’s throat. Cameron jumped away as Daniel shot it twice more with the zat gun and it disintegrated.

 

“No… gods… Rodney!” John cried out, struggling once more. Daniel nodded as Jack and Ronon released him. John pushed Daniel aside and dropped down on to the floor next to Rodney’s body. “Rodney…” he cried, his fingers feeling for a pulse from anywhere, but he knew it was no use; knew there was nothing left to find. “I’m so sorry, Rodney,” he sobbed against Rodney’s chest. “I’m so sorry…”

 

A glowing light filled the room and John felt the body beneath him seemingly disappear. He looked up in shock to find a glowing squid like form before him. For a moment, it hovered there and then it seemed to almost take a human form… the form of Rodney McKay.

 

“Rodney,” John whispered, reaching out but finding nothing within his grasp. Rodney reached back and John felt the ghosting touch of Rodney’s fingers along the side of his face.

 

“Love you, John,” he whispered softly then looked past John at the others, specifically at Daniel. “Thank you.” Daniel nodded slowly. He didn’t feel as if he should be thanked. Rodney looked back down at John. “I’ll be back. I promise.” With that, the human form dissolved and moved back into the energy squid. As they watched, the form moved out onto the balcony of the room and then into the sky above and beyond. The room darkened once more and everything was silent and still.

 

“John,” Daniel began.

 

“Get out,” John whispered.

 

“John, I’m sorry…”

 

“Get. Out.” Daniel sighed heavily and turned to leave the room. Ronon moved to one side and put his hands on Daniel’s arms. Daniel looked up at him slowly.

 

“Give him time, Daniel,” he said softly. “You did the right thing.” Daniel nodded and Ronon released him, letting him walk out of the room. Jack turned to Cameron.

 

“Go after him. I’ll be there shortly.” Cameron nodded and left the room. Jack walked over and knelt down next to John. “John, look at me.” When there was no response, John placed two fingers under John’s chin and forced his head up. “Listen to me. Rodney would not have wanted to live under the control of a symbiot. What just happened was the only thing that could have happened. Yes, Rodney is ascended but, knowing Rodney, he will find a way back to you as soon as he possibly can.” John seemed to hear him, but said nothing. Jack sighed softly and pushed himself to his feet, turning to Ronon. “Take care of him.”

 

“I will,” Ronon answered softly. Jack nodded and turned to leave. “Take care of Daniel,” Ronon called after him. Jack stopped, turned back and gave Ronon a curious look. “He’s feeling guilty.” Jack nodded and left the room, thinking the door closed behind him. Ronon walked over and knelt next to John, taking him into his arms and just holding him tightly.

 

************************************************************************

 

“I have to go,” Daniel said as he began throwing things into a small carry bag that was on the bed. Jack walked in on this scene, as Cameron stood helplessly to one side, trying to stop yet not sure what to say or do.

 

“Go where, Danny?” Jack said, thinking their door shut behind him.

 

“I have to go get Rodney and bring him back.” He threw more clothes in the bag then turned, looking for something, and not seeing it. Jack looked at Cameron who shrugged and shook his head. Jack walked over to Daniel.

 

“Daniel, what are you talking about?”

 

“I have to go get Rodney and bring him back here!” Daniel grabbed a medicine bottle and threw it into the bag just before Jack grabbed him roughly and hauled him around to face him.

 

“Stop it, Daniel. Just, stop! Rodney is gone. Ascended. You know that right?” Daniel nodded.

 

“That’s why I have to go!” Jack shook his head.

 

“You’re not going anywhere, Danny. You can’t…” And then it dawned on Jack what Daniel must have meant. “No way, Daniel. No way are you going to find someway to kill yourself and ascend.”

 

“Oh hell no,” Cameron shot out as well, moving closer to his lovers. “No way in hell are we letting that happen.” Daniel pulled away from Jack and fixed them both with a harsh glare.

 

“I’m not ascending anywhere, but I do have to go get Rodney.” Jack and Cameron both frowned.

 

“What do you mean, Daniel?” Cameron asked softly. Daniel sighed and closed his bag.

 

“I have to go to Kheb. That’s where Oma is sending Rodney…”

 

(Six weeks later)

 

Rodney McKay opened his eyes slowly, blue orbs focusing on a cream colored wall with a dark orange design weaved through it, and put a hand to his head as he sat up. The room itself was still somewhat dark, but through the small window behind him, he could just make out the light of the rising sun. He rubbed his eyes and glanced around the room again, spotting a semi-open door behind which there seemed to be more light. Pushing himself to his knees and then to his feet, Rodney glanced down at the clothes he wore and frowned slightly. Soft gray pants tucked into soft leather boots and a bluish gray tunic with flowing sleeves made up the majority of his clothing. On a hook next to the door hung what looked like a darker gray and blue cloak. Rodney grabbed it, sliding it around himself as he moved through the door and into the hallway. To his right there was nothing but a wall with a large stained glass window. To his left lay possible freedom.

 

As Rodney made his way down the hall, he passed a closed door, behind which he heard voices that were argumentative and sounded familiar. He frowned and stopped in front of the door, listening intently for a few moments.

 

_“You are not permitted to interfere any longer. That was your agreement for this.”_

 

_“No. I said I wouldn’t fight you on this. I never said I wouldn’t interfere. I’m taking him home.”_

 

_“You can not leave Kheb,”_ came a younger sounding voice and Rodney’s frown deepened even more. _“If you leave Kheb you will be on your own and we will not help you again.”_

 

_“If this is what I can expect as far as help goes, then leaving Kheb is the only option I have.”_

 

_“You’ll die.”_ There was silence. Even Rodney was holding his breath now. _“And it will be permanent. There will be no ascension unless you can learn to ascend by yourself. I will not help you again.”_

 

_“I’ll hold you to that promise.”_ Rodney stepped back as the door opened and Daniel Jackson walked through, dressed much in the same way as Rodney was, but he seemed to have a more ethereal glow to him. Behind him, Rodney caught a glimpse of a young boy and a woman, both dressed in white, glowing and looking more like ghosts than actual human beings. Daniel stopped and regarded Rodney for a moment before closing the door behind him.

 

“You’re awake,” Daniel said, stating the obvious. Rodney smirked.

 

“You noticed.” Daniel smiled.

 

“How do you feel?” Rodney thought for a moment and shrugged.

 

“How should I feel? I know who I am, I know we’re on Kheb and I can only hope we’re going home soon. Anything else I should feel?”

 

“Well, at least they left your memories intact,” Daniel said softly as he ushered Rodney from the hallway and into the main room of the temple. “Do you know why we’re here, Rodney? Do you remember anything before you woke up this morning?” Rodney sighed heavily and sat down on the floor, folding his legs beneath him, watching as Daniel did the same.

 

“I can see vague images, a few memories. I remember being captured by the Wraith after they broke our treaty. I remember freeing Ronon and I remember blowing up the Wraith hive ships that were headed for Earth. After that, things get a little sketchy. I know I was infected with the Wraith DNA and that I was dying. After that, the last thing I remember was that I had a symbiot inside of me and then I woke up here.” Daniel nodded slowly.

 

“I won’t tell you all of it, but I will tell you this much. In order to save you, I had to kill you and in doing so, I made a deal with the Ancients. They ascended you and then I had to come to Kheb and find you…”

 

***********************************************************************

 

_Daniel stepped through the Stargate just as the sun was setting on Kheb. Behind him, the event horizon shimmered and then was gone. He was alone. Sighing heavily, he stepped down from the platform and began the short hike to the Temple of Kheb where he hoped to find Shifu or Skaara waiting for him. He knew they were aware of his presence. No one came to Kheb without the Ancient’s knowing about it and Daniel wasn’t leaving until he had what he’d come for. Rodney._

_He approached the Temple slowly, almost warily, because he had no idea how he would be received. He pushed open the heavy outer door and stepped into the Temple. Candles came on as if by magic and lit the darkened room within. Daniel dropped his backpack and moved into the lower circle of the main room and sat, his legs crossed beneath him, and closed his eyes._

 

_“I know you’re here. I know you are aware of why I’m here. I’ve come for Rodney and I will not leave without him.”_

 

_For what felt like hours, Daniel repeated this mantra both aloud and in his mind. When next he opened his eyes, the sun had risen and it was Skaara who now sat across from him._

 

_“Hello, Daniel,” his brother-in-law said softly. “We know why you have come. There were some who thought you would not, but I know you well. I know you would come to bring your friend home.”_

 

_“I have to, Skaara,” Daniel replied. “His life was taken from him against his will and there was no choice but to kill him and let him ascend. If I hadn’t done that for him, he would have been lost to us and to his lover forever. I couldn’t let that happen.”_

 

_“I know, Daniel,” Skaara replied. “I can’t help you find him. I can’t help you ascend either and, if you ascend, I can’t help you find your way back. All these things you must do on your own. But I have faith that you can. You grow stronger and your path to enlightenment becomes easier for you to walk each time around.” Daniel smiled at him gently._

 

_“I’ll see you soon…”_

 

************************************************************************

 

“You ascended on your own?” Rodney asked in something akin to awe. Daniel chuckled softly.

 

“You make it sound so easy, Rodney. Actually, it took me longer to ascend than it did to actually find you and get us both back to Kheb in corporeal form. But, here we are and, whenever you’re ready, we can go home.” Rodney frowned slightly.

 

“What aren’t you telling me, Daniel? I heard that woman. She said you were going to die.” Daniel sighed heavily. “Daniel?”

 

“Rodney, listen to me. Are you listening?” Rodney nodded slowly. “Whatever choices I have made this time around, they were mine to make and I have no regrets about making them. But for every ascension and descension, part of me becomes more ancient and less human. When I leave Kheb and return to Atlantis, there is a possibility that it may prove too much for my body to handle. I’ve only been corporeal for about twelve hours now and the pull is so great that I can’t always fight it.”

 

“So, send me back to Atlantis and then when you’re stronger, come home. Surely everyone will understand.” Daniel gave him a tired smile.

 

“If I stay here, then the pull just becomes that much stronger. No, Rodney, I have to leave Kheb and I have to trust in my own strength to keep my body intact for a few days until I’m use to being here again.” He reached over and gripped Rodney’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll see.” Rodney nodded slowly and the two men pushed themselves to their feet. “Now then. What do you say we get back to Atlantis? I think there are a lot of people waiting for us.”

 

“Let’s go home,” Rodney whispered with a smile. Daniel returned the smile and the two men left the temple and walked the short distance to the Stargate.

 

************************************************************************

 

(Atlantis)

 

“Incoming wormhole!” Chuck yelled as the Atlantis gate began to come to life. Inside the control room, Elizabeth and Carson ran to the control panels to watch for signs of a GDO signal. In the gate room, John, Cameron and Jack waited and hoped…

 

“It’s Dr. McKay’s IDC,” Chuck called out with a grin. Elizabeth smiled in return.

 

“Open the iris.” The iris disengaged and a few seconds later, Rodney walked through the event horizon and John had never been so happy to see him in all his life. A few seconds later, Daniel walked through and the event horizon disengaged. Rodney turned and grinned at Daniel who smiled back at him and waved him off. John came up to Rodney and hugged him tightly.

 

“You’re home,” John whispered softly. “I love you.” Rodney hugged him just as tightly.

 

“Love you too,” he replied. Behind him, Jack and Cameron slowly made their way to Daniel and a group hug ensued.

 

“Told you I’d bring him home,” Daniel whispered tiredly. Cameron buried his face against the side of Daniel’s neck, inhaling deeply, his hands grasping at Daniel’s robe. Jack kissed Daniel on the forehead and held him tightly as well.

 

“We’re just glad you came home,” Jack answered softly.

 

“Me too,” Daniel whispered, his voice breaking just a little. Jack and Cameron stepped back and he gave them both a loving smile as they turned to welcome Rodney home. Rodney stepped out of John’s embrace and turned to face Jack and Cameron. He looked past them towards Daniel and saw the tears spilling over onto Daniel’s face.

 

“Daniel,” Rodney called, alarm evident in his voice. The others turned just as Daniel hit the floor on his knees.

 

“Please…” Daniel whispered just as Carson came running down the steps, a medical team appearing out of nowhere.

 

“No, no, no!” Rodney yelled, pushing past all of them to get to Daniel’s side. “No you don’t, Daniel. Stay with us.” Rodney and Carson got Daniel to his back and Daniel’s blue eyes focused unsteadily on Rodney as he lay there and let Carson and his people work on him. Behind Rodney, Jack grabbed Cameron, holding him at bay while John stood on his other side. “You can do this, Daniel, you’re stronger than they are and you know you want to stay here with us.”

 

“I know,” Daniel breathed out softly. “But… got you home. John can… forgive me now…” He closed his eyes for a moment then opened them slowly once more to find John kneeling next to him. Jack and Cameron had moved to his other side and Ronon had finally been told what was happening and had made his way to the gate room as well.

 

“There was nothing to forgive, Daniel,” John whispered softly. “I knew you’d do whatever you had to do in order to save Rodney and I could never be mad at you for doing that.” Daniel smiled weakly and brushed his fingers down the side of John’s face.

 

“Take him…” Daniel whispered, closing his eyes, tears still running down his face as he turned away from John and Rodney. John stood and pulled Rodney with him, back towards Ronon so that Carson and his team could work on saving Daniel. Daniel opened his eyes and Jack muttered a curse under his breath. “Love you both.” Jack held on to Cameron as Daniel’s eyes closed and his body finally became still. Carson looked at Jack and Cameron.

 

“He’s still got a pulse. We’ll move him to the infirmary. I’ll do my best to keep him here.” Carson stood as the medics moved the gurney ahead of them and towards the infirmary. Everyone watched in silence as they left the gate room; John holding on to Ronon and Rodney, Cameron clutching at Jack’s shirt, wanting comfort, wanting assurances, but Jack could offer none. All they could really do now was wait…

 

 

 

_“I am no longer human, no being am I, to travel the ground or to stand at your side…”_

 

General Jack O’Neill stood in front of the full-length dress mirror and adjusted the ribbons on his jacket and the tie that he was wearing beneath. He brushed down the front of the jacket and his pants and stepped back, looking a moment longer, on hand brushing over the stars on his left shoulder before he picked up his hat, tucked it under his arm and turned away.

 

_“For something has come, something greater than this life, it has hidden me away and it brings only strife…”_

Colonel Cameron Mitchell stood out on the balcony and watched the sun begin to set across the water. A slight breeze blew gently across the waters and against Cameron’s face. After a moment, he closed his eyes, bid a silent prayer, then stood, straightening his dress jacket, brushing across the birds on shoulders once, then turned and walked back inside.

 

_“But watch how it struggles to keep firm control, hear how it mocks you with a voice you love and know…”_

 

Colonel John Sheppard stood in his quarters, buttoning his dress jacket as well as he could with only one hand. After a moment, Rodney McKay walked over and helped him finish the last few buttons on the jacket. He smoothed his hands down John’s arms then stepped away to finish tying his own tie. When he was done, John kissed him on the forehead and Rodney picked up his suit jacket and slide it over his arms and across his chest, buttoning it into place. With a final look at each other, they turned and left the room.

 

_“And then it breaks free, its struggle complete, it consumes my mind and soul and I know I am beat…”_

Ronon met up with John and Rodney in the hallway and followed them down to the gate room. He was dressed in dark brown leather pants and a dark brown tunic that Rodney realized he’d never seen before. Ronon’s hair hung down, the dark brown locks moving as he walked; and they all walked in silence until they came to the gate room.

 

_“But then I hear a voice, and it begs me to fight, it tells me I am safe and it brings me to light. As my eyes open slowly, alone I no longer feel, but is this a dream or is it finally real…”_

The Stargate had been dialed and the event horizon shimmered before them all. Four sets of flags, two on either side of the gate, had been put out in honor and memory of the one they’d come to lay to rest that day.

 

_“And then a glowing light shines round me and I feel at peace once more, no longer is there pain or fear for I know now what’s in store…”_

“We’re here today to honor the memory of our beloved linguist, friend, mentor, teacher, brother… lover. We honor his memory as we stand before this gate, the gate that he opened for us, the gate to new worlds, new alliances, and new discoveries. Twelve years ago, a twenty-four year old young man did what no one before him had been able to do and ever since then, we have traveled among the stars and we have learned that, for many years before we ever found him, he had been right in so many things. And so he opened the gate and he took us to a world that, to him, was a step into a dream he’d always wanted to have. And he found a family, something he had not had since he was a little boy.

 

He found a wife, a father, and a brother and so he stayed and we let him. But then we found him once more and we brought him home, but at what cost? Death of a wife, loss of a son, loss of a family and more over the years; the loss of his own life on more than one occasion. But through it all, Dr. Daniel Jackson never stopped having hope. He never lost his faith and he never let us lose either of those things within ourselves. We always knew in our hearts, if not in our minds and souls, that no matter what the situation, Daniel would find us a solution. And he always came through for us.

 

Even a the cost of his own life…”

 

A silver casket was carried from the bottom of the steps towards the Atlantis gate. On the left side were Colonel Lou Feretti, Major James Coburn, and Major Nicholas Lorne. On the right side were Colonel Cameron Mitchell, Colonel John Sheppard and Colonel Paul Davis. Rodney stood near the gate, holding what looked like a white prayer shawl in one hand and a feather in the other. In front of the gate stood General Jack O’Neill.

 

“Daniel always told us that his life was no more important than the life of anyone else, family or ally,” Jack continued softly as the casket came closer. “What he didn’t realize, what he didn’t remember were the words that so many of us were taught from a young age, from our parents,” here he glanced at John, “our grandmothers,” and then at Cameron, “or our teammates” and here Jack let his gaze rest on everyone in the gate room. “That no greater love has a man than this; that he would give up his life for his friends. Daniel Jackson had a heart as big as the universe he traveled in his life and for that, we are all eternally grateful.” The casket stopped and Rodney approached it slowly. It was draped with the American flag and for a brief moment, Rodney let his fingers trail along it gently. Then he took a deep breath and laid the white shawl over the flag and placed the white feather on top.

 

“Your judgment has been passed, Daniel Jackson, and you have been judged worthy. Enter the gates and behold all that waits for you in the afterlife,” Rodney whispered softly. Stepped back, he watched as the pallbearers moved forward again slowly. Jack waited until they stopped directly in front of him. He saluted the casket once and brought his hand down slowly. Taking a step forward, he bent down and placed a soft kiss against the flag draped casket then turned on his heel and stepped through the gate. The casket and pallbearers followed him through. After a few moments the gate closed.

 

_“And now I am found at home, in the arms of all whom I love, and life comes back to find me as you linger from above. As you tell me you must go and that your life is now done, I find myself wishing for a time now gone. For I am no longer human and a god I shall never be, but if I could be a god then without you we’d never be. So take your steps away from us but know that soon one day I’ll find a way to bring you back as you did for me that day. And we’ll explore the newest of worlds and we’ll have no more to fear, for as always you will find a way to keep us in the clear. And so I bid you goodbye, if only for tonight, I’ll see you on the other side, I’ll find you in the light…”_

 

John Sheppard stepped through the gate twelve hours after escorting the body of Daniel Jackson back home to Earth for burial. Jack and Cameron were flying the body to Egypt for a proper burial and said they would return to Atlantis in a few weeks to check on everyone and get a feel for what to do next. Ronon met John in the gate room and the two hugged briefly before heading towards their quarters.

 

Inside their quarters, Rodney sat on the edge of the bed, a piece of paper lying loosely in his hands. He heard the door open but didn’t really register that John had returned. John walked over and knelt down, taking the paper from Rodney’s hands and then looking up at Rodney’s tear-stained face.

 

“Rodney?” John asked softly. “What’s wrong?” Rodney sniffled a little then focused on John’s hazel eyes.

 

“Daniel wrote that before he went to Kheb to find me… but I don’t understand it.” John took the paper in his hand and read through it. After a moment he looked back up at Rodney.

 

“It’s almost like _you_ wrote it,” John whispered softly. Ronon had moved through the room and now sat on the bed next to Rodney. “Where’d you find it?”

 

“Sitting on the pillow of the bed after you left,” Rodney answered quietly. He took the paper from John and glanced down at the last lines.

 

_“But instead of light I’ll only find a horizon wavy and blue and I’ll return to my home and find this final memory of you. I now know you had insight of how it would all go and it didn’t matter to you because you’ve never been alone. And when we think we cannot stand the sorrow any longer, you’ll come and whisper ‘I’m still here, making you even stronger’. And we will know we’re loved and watched over by someone far away and we’ll look for you again on all of our last days.”_

 

Rodney looked up. “It just ends there, just abruptly, almost as if he was interrupted and never got a chance to finish it.”

 

“Maybe that’s because it isn’t yet finished,” Ronon offered kindly. “Maybe one day we’ll see him again and then it will be finished.”

 

“Maybe,” Rodney replied softly. “Maybe.”

 

_From the corner of the room, Daniel watched John, Rodney and Ronon comfort each other as best as they could. With a final smile he blinked and in the next moment found himself in a plane with Jack and Cameron. He watched them sleep as the plane flew over the blue ocean below. They were taking him home… for now…_

 


End file.
